“The world is billions of times more complicated than any of us understand, and because we are desperate to understand the world, we buy into these explanations that give us the illusion of understanding.”–Bill James
I have a real love and soft spot for baseball cards, so I want to thank Mark from RetroSimba for sending me a few pages of Athletics in the mail recently. I sort of stopped collecting at around age 16 because I was getting heavily into music and girls, (this seems to be a common narrative) and even lost interest in baseball for quite a few years until Sacramento received a AAA team called the River Cats in 2000 which sparked renewed attention.
A recollection and aside: My then girlfriend (who was a cute redhead ripe for psychiatric scrutiny) and I would walk from our apartment to the ballpark, often stopping by a local dive bar on the way to imbibe on some cheaper liquid offerings. This girl (who I actually taught to score a game…you know, 4-6-3) would often say things like, we think we’re sophisticated with our toaster ovens and designer footwear, but we’re just a bunch of finely ornamented apes. Bravo, little one. You know, I really hope she’s doing well although I admit that I still feel a tinge of guilt for introducing her to a lot of drugged-out musician friends who were often talented and sometimes charming, but weren’t the most stable or house-trained individuals. The quintessential fish out of water tragic romance.
When you’re a child, you live in a little world set in a not quite understood or visualized big world, and when you finally understand the big world with its oppression, suffering, and greed, you feel the need to crawl back into that little world. But it’s gone forever. That’s what these little pieces of cardboard represent to me, that little world that I can never get back. I almost want to cry with joy when I think about my innocence and naivete as I shuffled these pictures of my heroes through my grubby little fingers as a boy, and today they give me the unique opportunity for time travel and the ability to reconnect with those simple, yet pure thoughts–even forgotten slivers of moments if I’m lucky.
…and they’re just simply cool.
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Do you vote for the All Star Game? I certainly don’t, but let me offer you an alternative to what you usually watch. Instead of the best players how about the worst?!
Instead of stupid on-field interviews, gross corporate schmoozing and players fraternizing and playing grab-ass behind a velvet rope, let’s instead divert our eye holes to absolute hysterical buffoonery and a more gritty disaster! Let’s all enjoy the baseball version of the Keystone Kops, with players flailing at breaking pitches, dropping balls, and running around the base paths with two left feet. Let’s all ride the idiot bus!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with resigning yourself to the awkwardness of life, especially when we’re talking about a game that a child can grasp. Ladies and Gents, I offer you….Seth Brown! He of the .190 batting average and the .562 OPS. To make matters worse (better) he is also a TERRIBLE defensive outfielder, is slower than a turtle, and has a wet noodle for a throwing arm. So c’mon…let’s get excited and let’s get out there and stuff that virtual ballot box!
P.S. my deepest apologies to (sadist?) manager Mark Kotsay who consistently bats this mutt in the 4 or 5 hole for unknown reasons to the dismay of the fledglings who still follow this pathetic franchise owned by a con-artist.
P.P.S. In retrospect, I don’t think I’ve voted for an All Star Game since 1989 when you had to poke out the “chads” with a pencil and slip the paper into an actual voting box. I’m sure I voted for the usual suspects–McGwire, Gwynn, Ripken, Puckett….
Coco Crisp's Afro 
I got the song you posted playing as I comment. What a great tune. Seems right out of Pulp Fiction. What a lucid post. That’s one of the many things I love about your writing. You distill the essence of a topic and transform it into exceptional language, clear as can be. Your line “that little world that I can never get back” sums up my experience with baseball cards, an interest that continues to this day. I’ve found that as I get older I go through phases, a couple of weeks obsessed by cards, then not at all, replaced by a few music groups, then history and so on and ideally all passions at the same time.
The last section of this post Kotsay (sadist?) cracked me up, inserting Seth Brown into the clean up or five hole…..maybe Kotsay doesn’t want to quit and ruin his chances of landing another job, so he’s sabotaging himself in the hopes of getting fired?
I remember those hole punching all-star ballots, probably kept a few and have them in my parent’t basement. Nowadays, if we had those, some player would pull a Trump and argue rigged election. I’m thinking who would be the idiots that made such an argument. The first one that comes to mind is Anthony Rendon.
I kind of love that we as humans go through phases because we’re constantly changing. Also, it’s a sign of intelligence like you’re gathering information or something. I was obsessed with birds like a few weeks ago and now not at all…it’s pretty rad.
Sadly, Gary, I think that after a certain point most humans stop changing and become bad parodies of themselves as they age. I also learned that concept from Bill James, with whom I have now been friends for 35+ years.
I don’t disagree. I may have very well become a parody of myself, and a not very good one at that. 🙂
I hope all is going well and you’re taking it easy. I’m looking forward to more of your blog posts.
Gary, thanks for another well written piece about cards and beyond. Amazing what you can do at 4.m.! As for Kotsay, Brown and other like situations. Don’t you find it funny that managers and their media buddies keep talking about having the best hitter bat first so he can get more at-bats. In whose world is Seth Brown the best hitter and why would you want a guy with that kind of certainty getting more at-bats?
Even if looking at cards from certain eras, I find something positive to look back on even if the Cubs teams stunk on toast back then.
I have a better question: why would you want a guy like that playing at all? He had one “good” season where he hit 25 homers, but that was with a rather pedestrian .749 OPS. Yikes. Also, a RF should have a cannon to impede runners from going first to third. It’s common baseball knowledge. Let’s face it…it’s a shit franchise.
Always interesting stuff, Gary.
I always love your comments, Dan.
Ok, the difference between Brown and Abreu is that Abreu was actually GOOD at one time! It’s shocking that he’s sucking so hard because the dude was dangerous and an A’s killer. Mind boggling. If it weren’t for that contract perhaps we would have seen him in an Oakland (Sacramento?) uniform eventually.
Perhaps if the Astros had a GM when they signed Abreu… This was after they let James Click walk and before Dana Brown was hired – they would have looked a little deeper at Abreu. He was coming off a year when he hit 1 HR in his last 55 games. He was turning 36 and there are those here who wonder after watching him play if he is actually older than what it shows – this happens with players from places like Cuba. Would a Jeff Luhnow or a James Click deep dove and figured out his bat was slowing down and high velocity was getting him? He still batted .300+ the year they before they signed him, but that power plunge had to mean something. He has been brutal at times since he came here. He did have a decent 2nd half last year and had good RBI numbers, but this year he has 7 RBIs in 106 ABs – that looks like he’s on pace for like 40 RBIs and with this lineup that is ridiculously low for someone at a power position.
In all due honesty – they did offer Click a contract but after winning the WS, they offered him a 1 year contract, which was the equivalent of go away we don’t want you here.
I’m a proponent of no long term contracts after the age of 30, when numbers traditionally drop off year after year.
Gary, your explanation for why adults still get a joy from baseball cards is the best I’ve ever read. This is smart, splendid writing: … “when you finally understand the big world with its oppression, suffering, and greed, you feel the need to crawl back into that little world. But it’s gone forever.”
Thanks, Mark…and thanks again for the cards. I’m still debating on how to display them. It would be a shame if they had to live in a cigar box, unseen and unappreciated.
When I think of baseball cards and my childhood U think of endless hours of playing “flip.” You need about four kids to make it worthwhile. Everyone would “flip” a card towards wall and whoever landed closest collected all the cards. Of course you had to have purchased enough baseball cards that you had a bunch of duplicates that you didn’t mind losing. You were a winner if you walked away with the biggest pack.
That must have been a time before 10-year-old kids had dollar signs in their eyes and every card had to be in pristine condition. How very refreshing.
Thanks for stopping by, Ken. Your comments are appreciated very much here.
Baseball cards trigger fond memories for me as well. It’s the same with old Strat-O-Matic cards and team sets for me. By the way, I saw a list somewhere that had the last pitcher for each team to hit a homer. For the A’s it was Blue Moon Odom, which isn’t surprising. He hit 12 homers in his career, including five in 1969.
That’s a cool little trivia tidbit, Hugh. I met Blue Moon out of all places in the Anaheim Stadium parking lot. He was a very pleasant man and signed autographs and even took a pic with me.
I agree with all the comments, the paragraph that begins with, “When you’re a child…” is just sublime.
That means a lot….thanks, Bob…and thanks for stopping by.
I haven’t voted for All-Stars in many a moon, Gary. I’ll tune in for an inning or two, but the game really doesn’t grab me any more either. As I’ve noted here before, I do wish I still had all of the baseball cards I possessed in my youth. Not for any perceived value dollar-wise, but for the value of all those great memories collecting and trading them with friends. The A’s are very much dead to me at this point, and it would be nice if they took all references to Oakland off of their uniforms…and took the rest of their games this season elsewhere as well.😁
Ughhh…the A’s are dead to me as well but they’re like that ex-girlfriend that you stalk online. You don’t really give a crap about her but you still check out what she’s doing every now and then.
As always…thanks for stopping by and adding your great comments.