Canseco and Cap’n Crunch

I was standing in the queue at the local health food store with my basket full of over-priced, organic, local, vegan, cage-free crap when suddenly I was struck by a haze of fog known as boredom reminiscing. This phenomenon, where synapses are sparked by everyday mundane activities, usually inwardly projects me back to the 80’s and a much more simple time before parents became enlightened helicopters and kids started bringing guns to school to solve their commonplace problems.

While in this haze I’m begging my mother to buy me Cap’n Crunch, if only because of the 2 free baseball cards inside. She obviously isn’t very modern, (alas, this is the 80’s, stick with me here) so the term organic isn’t part of her everyday verbiage, and her idea of a “healthy snack” would be a syrupy granola bar with chocolate chips or a sludgy, faux-cherry fruit cup. The only reason she’s debating this is because she can buy the very same, generic version at a much, much cheaper price by the hideously uninspired name of Crispy Crunch. Well, this was a complication of epic proportions for a 12 year old. There was no chance of getting a fucking Jose Canseco or Mark McGwire card in a box of Crispy Crunch. What to do?

I’m startled out of this mini psychedelic trip by the impatient, too-cool-for-school checker with dreadlocks and a Nirvana t-shirt. She had been calling out to me, and like an idiot I was standing there, in a daze, thinking about the time I wanted to eat a box of sugar- laden crap in order to obtain pieces of cardboard with the likeness of guys who injected steroids in their ass so they could look like Greek Gods, break a bunch of records and hit the ball out of the goddamn stratosphere.

Wasn’t it great?

16 thoughts on “Canseco and Cap’n Crunch

  1. Big Tone

    My mom was all In and down for the cause.Only In my case It was Post Honeycomb cereal,for the cards and then later for the mini bobble-heads.She made sure to bring home at least one box per grocery store visit.

  2. The Sportsnutt

    That’s good stuff. I was in my teens/early twenties doing the same thing. Well, I was buying my own but you know what I mean. Did you ever order the photo baseballs from Wheaties in the 90’s?

    1. Gary Trujillo Post author

      Yes! They kind of sucked because they were made of some sort of weird plastic instead of horsehide if I remember correctly. I also remember my grandfather telling me that I better get to eating Wheaties because we had bought a bunch of boxes for the UPC codes. 🙂

  3. onceuponatime70s

    In 1986 I started a baseball team in Manchester, England. W (I) named it The Stretford A’s and wrote to Oakland to let them know – they sent over a wee batch of souvenirs, one of which an autographed card from a young Jose. Still got it. 🙂


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