Results tagged ‘ Juicers ’

Ozzie Canseco…. jeeeezuz.

ozzie_canseco    Looking over this blog the past couple of days, I’ve decided the posts were waxing a bit too nostalgic and “literary” about the old boys game. I enjoy Bob Costas as much as the next guy, but Jesus Christ he makes me want to puke sometimes. In the end it IS just a game played by big babies, Bob!  So without further ado, here is some good old fashioned American sensationalist/ muckracking/ schedenfreude about two of the easiest targets ever to walk the earth.

To those of us in the know, Ozzie Canseco was Jose’s scrubby identical twin brother that never quite panned out in the bigs. Ozzy played with Oakland and St. Louis, amassing 65 AB’s, 0 hr’s (462 behind big bro… err…. his twin) and overall was seen as sort of an afterthought, perhaps even a sideshow draw because of his name. Noone really gave a shit about Ozzie until about 10 years after he retired and gave the world his own brand of slapstick comedy:

– posed as his brother on the show VH1’s “The Real Life,” in which case the other participants didn’t know he was really Ozzie until the show’s end.

– posed as his brother for a boxing match, yet was found out when he took off his shirt and didn’t have the same tattoos.

– In 2002, Canseco pleaded guilty to charges stemming from a nightclub fight on October 31, 2001. He and his brother got into a fight with two California tourists at a Miami Beach nightclub that left one man with a broken nose and another needing 20 stitches in his lip; Canseco was charged with two counts of aggravated battery. The brothers received probation and community service – Ozzie was sentenced to 18 months probation, 200 hours of community service and anger management classes

– reportedly posed as his brother in order to sleep with Jose’s wife.

– In 2003, Canseco was sentenced to four months in jail for possessing an illegal anabolic steroid and driving with a suspended license.

An Ozzie interview, courtesy of buzzfeed.com…

What are you up to these days?

I’ve been working with baseball players for almost 30 years now, and I offer baseball lessons for every aspect of the game. I work with kids.

How was the stint in Yuma?

It was an independent league, and I was there for approximately 4 months coaching alongside my brother.

Have you had any more substantial coaching jobs since Yuma ended?

Not really. I tried to play one or two games for Yuma, but old injuries from the past kept coming back.

What do you think of your brother’s Twitter?

My opinion is that many years ago, the media took it upon themselves to paint my brother in a very negative light. He was very outspoken, and the fact that he talked about racism and the unfairness of the game, which has always been there — because of this, there was allowed to be an open season because he was outspoken. Some players are protected from the media, and some aren’t, and he was not. As correct as he was, and as truthful as he was, when he wrote the book on steroids and told the absolute truth — we live in a time where the truth is taboo. So it was definitely open season on Jose. And that led to everything that’s happening now. He’s just trying to survive like the rest of us. He’s trying to play the cards that he’s been dealt to the best of his abilities.

A lot of people think he’s crazy. Is he crazy, or is this all part of a plan?

Yes, it’s part of a plan. 100%. If you’re in the game, the game of life, and you’re dealt certain cards, you work with those cards and bluff with those cards to do the best that you can. It’s that simple. He knows that he was dealt the wrong hand. He was colluded against by major league baseball, thrown out of the game. The MLB owes him 25 million dollars. So now you try and do the best that you can with what you got.

Why does Major League Baseball owe him 25 million dollars?

The fact that many organizations colluded against him and wouldn’t give him a job when he was healthy and could’ve played. He could’ve easily produced 30-40 home runs a year and 100 RBIs. He even offered to play for free or put together a contract based solely on incentives, minimum salary to no salary, and no one would even touch it. To me it would’ve been a no-brainer for any organization. That was pretty obvious. In my opinion, it was very obvious that there was collusion. This was probably around the mid-90s, toward the end of his career.

Why have you been keeping such a low profile?

I have nothing to gain. Jose has things to gain because he has a name, and he’s not famous, he’s infamous. He’s trying to use his infamousness — I don’t know if I just made up a word there; the fact that he’s infamous — to the best of his advantage. I prefer to stay out of it as best as possible. I try, anyway. And by speaking with you now I’m kind of breaking that rule, but sometimes you have to say what’s on your mind. I don’t think you should be quiet forever.

What happened with that boxing match where you switched places with Jose? Was that planned? Did you know you were going to do that?

I never spoke about that for a reason, because there’s a lot of misunderstanding about that. I’d rather not talk about that.

Are you and your brother close?

I’d rather not talk about that.

What did you learn from playing overseas? Did you like it?

Baseball’s very similar, they’re very detail-oriented when it comes to the game of baseball, very technically sound. What I enjoyed the most is their society is based on respect and honor and hard work. Unfortunately here in the states it’s the opposite, my personal opinion.

Do you ever feel like you didn’t get a fair a shake in the Major Leagues?

Absolutely. A lot of people had that view of my situation, always thought that I never got a legit opportunity to get rooted in the big leagues. I was never told for sure why. To this day I’d like to know why. I can remember vividly as if it was yesterday when I was in big league camp with the Cardinals in 1993. Joe Torre was the manager there, I was leading the club in RBIs and homers as a pinch hitter, as a part-time player. The last week of spring training I was benched, and I remember as if it was yesterday, I stepped into Joe Torre’s office and said, “Mr. Torre, I’m not playing and I feel as though I’ve been producing more than anybody on the squad, leading the team in home runs and RBIs, and I’ve been on the bench for 3 or four days now. What did I do wrong, did I disrespect anybody, did I step on anybody’s toes?” He didn’t have an answer for me. After that I was sent back down to Triple A. so I definitely felt that I should’ve been given a little more of an opportunity.

 

Gods never answer letters

game “saved” by a clown?

” Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.”       Nietzsche

I recently read John Updike’s short story entitled “1960: hub fans bid kid adieu;” a glorified monument to Ted Williams’ final game at Fenway park.  The long and wordy piece was impressive  in its literary and authoritarian tone, reminding me of my own inadequacies when it comes to the English language, but also reminding me that the reader shouldn’t be bored out of their minds while the writer achieves some sort of mental jerk-off.  Story finally completed and compartmentalized, one line stuck out like a huge pair of bosoms in the crowded bleachers; “Gods never answer letters.”

Jose Canseco was a god to me as a freckle faced, no girlfriend -having  Jr. high schooler;  he was the young, handsome baseball phenom, an Oakland A’s outfielder with unlimited potential, a muscular slugger with mythical power. After retiring, he wrote a book, “Juiced,” that rocked the baseball world, outing several superstar big leaguers as steroid users, or “juicers.” (The best part of the book being Canseco telling A-Rod that he ” hated him” after Mr. Yankee tried numerous times to fuck his wife)  After a long and tiresome “sting operation” by the powers that be in the MLB kingdom (pathetically, i may add, as they knew this behavior was happening but thought home runs would bring the pissed off  fans back after the strike of ’94.) they installed a new, more thorough way of testing players, all but eliminating steroid use in baseball and lowering home run totals dramatically. MLB needed a scapegoat, and they got it.  Canseco was universally seen as a pariah for writing the book which all but astounded me for 2 reasons. 1) he was “cleaning up the game” single-handedly, (or at least bringing media attention to it) and 2) making some bread while he was doing it which seems to follow the age-old baseball adage of making money unethically and in a clownish manner at all costs no matter what the cost. Here we had a someone ready to speak out and debunk the myth of a “tighter wound ball” and baseball fans (mostly working class may i add) were siding with the  money hungry, uber-capitalists that disrespected the hallowed home run totals for a quick buck at MLB. (reminding me of the controversy and backlash Jim Bouton received after his 1970 book, “Ball Four” was released. I had a chance to meet him, he is a wonderful man and I absolutely adore that book.)

Canseco continued his “career” playing for virtually peanuts for the Yuma Scorpions of the North American League in 2011, was banned in 2012  from playing with a Mexican team, the Quintana Roo Tigers for using testosterone; and finally  in April, was signed by the Worchester Tornadoes of the Canadian/ American Association of Professional Baseball.  Reading the latter story made me feel as if  Canseco was a sad specimen, holding on to his youth and past glory; but also a bit of admiration because of his love for the game that keeps us all clicking the turnstiles no matter how uninterested the players are with our historical musings and passionate regional rivalries. I suppose then, I owe Mr. Updike a posthumous apology, as his admired, single statement above jolted these feelings lose and vehemently  spread upon the page before you. It also reminded me of a fan letter I had written to Canseco in 2011, hoping that he would answer because of his bush league status. Hoping that perhaps he was humbled and ready to give something back to the fans that had enjoyed him as a player, author, cheater and jackass. Alas…. Gods never answer letters.