Small Portraits of Everyday Things

We passed through the iron gates for what seemed like the thousandth time. I hadn’t seen Cheech for over 2 years, and we agreed to meet at our lucky cemetery (we’re obviously individuals with an aversion to group activities) on a soggy, overcast day for some beers and conversation. I walked the 15 blocks there for some fresh air and to reminisce, and lo-and-behold my hometown of Sacramento was still trashy and rough around the edges. A homeless-enclave-hellscape with a Cheesecake Factory and a state capitol. 

“Man, we haven’t been here since you were dating Alice,” Cheech said as he took a long, sudsy swig from his expensive craft beer while leaning against the ornate headstone of some guy who had died of tuberculosis in the late 1800s. Oh, the brevity of existence.

It was true, and I remembered Alice very well even though she was galaxies away from my everyday thought process. She was Nordic pretty like the blonde in Abba: same nose, toothy smile, and almond-shaped bedroom eyes. On one particularly boring Sunday, she asked me if she could read my horoscope. Out of all the things to structure personal identity around, the random date you were born on seems the most boring, I said flippantly. We had good times together, but It’s funny how you only seem to remember moments that have the earmarks of being insignificant in the long run.

We stumbled out of the land of the dead before I mentioned that there was a baseball card shop a few blocks away where I impulsively spent 25 dollars on a Jose Canseco rookie complete with a pre-pubescent mustache encased in hard plastic. It’s really, really minty, I said over and over. And it was. It looked as if it had never been touched by greasy human meathooks–a pristine piece of Americana.

More cardboard treasures were purchased, and we proceeded to Cheech’s house where we decided on a lark to eat some “magic mushrooms.” Maybe it was the booze talking, or maybe it was because we were becoming less young and more old, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I’ve been told that psilocybin cures emotional conditions and anxiety–and I refuse to argue with that analysis as we sat there for hours talking about hair metal videos (Stryper sucks and that is nonsubjective) and just laughing hysterically at nothing in particular.

Tigers, Trees, and Oiled Bleacher Creatures

“To me, the golden era of baseball is whenever you were 12 years old.” –John Thorn

Lazy Sunday. There were men outside my house audibly cutting a tree into pot belly stove-sized pieces and annoying me in the process. The massive tree had fallen in the night, destroying 3 cars, and almost killing a neighbor who was standing nearby, which must have been quite tempting to the tree. She ended up going to the hospital with only minor head wounds and escaping relatively unscathed. What better way was there to toast the cruel, cold universe and its magnificent indifference for a fleshy speck in the cosmos than by cracking open some cheap, tasteless beer, scarfing down some pretzels, and watching a ball game?

Since the latest incarnation of the Oakland Athletics has stumbled through the throes of helplessness and confusion, and could possibly be the worst in team history. (challenging the 1979 team–who went 54-108–a distressing cross to bear) I decided to take a pass on that dumpster fire and sashay down memory lane, instead choosing to embrace a time when a young boy’s love for the game was genuinely all-encompassing and untarnished. The talisman from the past with horrible picture quality and incipiently watched in a room with cheap wood-grain paneling? A’s vs Tigers, May 3rd, 1987. 

This was an afternoon game where every fly ball was an adventure with fielders losing their regular big-league swagger and desperately shielding their eyes while staring into the blistering light-blue void…completely helpless. The A’s end up scoring twice–once on a manufactured run that started with a Ron Cey single (“Stan Javier pinch runs for Cey, and The Penguin waddles off the field.”) and the second on a Canseco bomb to left-center that scattered a sea of shirtless, oiled, and clearly intoxicated sunbathers who fell over themselves while inadvertently knocking over their buzzing radios and wax cups of beer. 

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Well, yours truly has finally been published…actual ink on paper. Albeit, it’s just one short story in an anthology of 100’s, but I’m still pretty excited to have a tangible piece of evidence documenting my madness, and even more elated that I didn’t have to deal with agents or manuscripts–no song and dance–in order for this to be actualized.

Backyards to Ballparks has a simple concept behind it, asking authors, “What is your favorite memory connected to baseball?” The stories are all different, but the heart and soul of the book are the same. What these “distilled snippets” all have in common is that tribute as to why baseball remains the American pastime–how it connects friends, families, and communities. These memories, often more human interest than play-of-game in nature, all have baseball as a setting, but speak to how The Great Game provides joy and anguish, nourishes family traditions, creates friendships, and can profoundly affect the ambrosia of the mind.  

Jose and Ozzie try to get laid

The following is an excerpt from Ron Darling’s book 108 stitches: 

Big pimpin’ (that’s Toni in the middle.)

My time in Oakland introduced me to some of the game’s greatest characters, Cassanovas, too. High on both lists was Jose Canseco, who’d already been a perennial All Star and was MVP by the time I joined the club. This was back before the time of steroids tarnished Jose’s reputation– and with it his fellow “Bash Brother” Mark McGwire, who followed Jose’s 1986 Rookie of the Year campaign with one of his own in 1987. The two sluggers were like princes of the Bay Area who could do no wrong in the eyes of the A’s fans, who loved to watch them bash the shit out of the ball, then bash the shit out of each other in celebration each time one of them bashed another of their mammoth home runs.

What a lot of folks forget about Jose Canseco is that he had a twin brother named Ozzie, who briefly played for the A’s as well. I’ll never forget it though–not just because Ozzie was bouncing around the Oakland organization during my time with the club, but because of the particular ways he and his brother bounced…or, guess I should say, because of the particular ways they rolled.

My first wife, Toni, and I stepped into the elevator at the team hotel one evening, just as Jose and Ozzie were stepping off. We greeted each other on the fly, they were in some kind of hurry–off to paint the town Kelly green and gold, I guess.

As the elevator doors closed behind us, Toni looked at me and asked if those two guys were twins.

I said, “Yeah, they’re twins.”

She said, “Well, they both tried to pick me up.”

I said, “Welcome to the big leagues.”

 

 

Canseco and Cap’n Crunch

I was standing in the queue at the local health food store with my basket full of over-priced, organic, local, vegan, cage-free crap when suddenly I was struck by a haze of fog known as boredom reminiscing. This phenomenon, where synapses are sparked by everyday mundane activities, usually inwardly projects me back to the 80’s and a much more simple time before parents became enlightened helicopters and kids started bringing guns to school to solve their commonplace problems.

While in this haze I’m begging my mother to buy me Cap’n Crunch, if only because of the 2 free baseball cards inside. She obviously isn’t very modern, (alas, this is the 80’s, stick with me here) so the term organic isn’t part of her everyday verbiage, and her idea of a “healthy snack” would be a syrupy granola bar with chocolate chips or a sludgy, faux-cherry fruit cup. The only reason she’s debating this is because she can buy the very same, generic version at a much, much cheaper price by the hideously uninspired name of Crispy Crunch. Well, this was a complication of epic proportions for a 12 year old. There was no chance of getting a fucking Jose Canseco or Mark McGwire card in a box of Crispy Crunch. What to do?

I’m startled out of this mini psychedelic trip by the impatient, too-cool-for-school checker with dreadlocks and a Nirvana t-shirt. She had been calling out to me, and like an idiot I was standing there, in a daze, thinking about the time I wanted to eat a box of sugar- laden crap in order to obtain pieces of cardboard with the likeness of guys who injected steroids in their ass so they could look like Greek Gods, break a bunch of records and hit the ball out of the goddamn stratosphere.

Wasn’t it great?

Baseball card time travels.

As I pull this baseball card from the pile it takes me on a long forgotten trip back to the 1990’s and the bottomless pit of purgatory known as Jr. High School. Everyone was growing into themselves, girls were getting boobs, fashion was suddenly important, and guys were suddenly sporting the haircut that concocted the term “business in the front, party in the back.”

The mullet was a popular hairstyle in the early 90’s as it was worn by everyone from rock stars, movie stars, wrestlers and even baseball players. With the 90’s being the cultural dreg that it was, it seemed the perfect time for the white-trash aesthetic to finally be embraced by the mainstream. Celebrities who rocked the hairstyle included John Stamos, David Bowie, Billy Ray Cyrus and George Clooney. My cousin had his mullet for YEARS complete with an army style flat-top. I still give him shit for it to this day.

I remember a friend of mine from Jr. High, Michael,  would constantly run a comb through his dirty blond mullet while wearing his ever-present Guns N Roses t-shirt complete with naked girl on the back. (seems a bit extreme for a Jr. High kid today, seemed normal then before Generation X started having children and treating them like snowflakes.) Michael was sort of known as the dick of the neighborhood and would always try to steal other people’s “valuable” baseball cards. He lived in a ramshackle house, his mom was slutty with a new biker boyfriend every other week, and his baby sister always looked dirty with a bunch of dried food on her face. It was depressing. I soon outgrew baseball cards and Michael.

The 1990 Oakland A’s were no exception to the rule as Storm Davis and Jose Canseco had flowy, rockstar-esque mullets. Back up catcher Ron Hassey and second baseman Glenn Hubbard had their weird, curly, seemingly permed neck-fro’s. I’ve got to believe thet the most famous baseball mullet of all time goes to the great pitcher and ultimately most white-trashy looking player of all time…Randy Johnson.  Today’s players, being forever trendy yet always a step or two behind hip fashion sport the hairstyle in a “post-ironic” way; these including Nick Swisher and Tim Lincecum.

Junior High was a crazy, fucked up, depressing and confusing time for me. I got into my second fight (and third),  added the first girlfriend to my repertoire and discovered heavy metal, porn and keg parties. Thank you Storm Davis for bringing it back. I had almost forgotten.

Jessica Canseco gives the 411 on Jose’s dong.

The following was taken from Jessica Canseco’s book, “Juicy: Confessions of a former baseball wife.”…we kissed for awhile and I relaxed a little, but then I looked down and saw his weiner. It didn’t look like any weiner I had seen before. It was big and uncircumcised, and I thought it was one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen. But as soon as it got hard all the skin pulled back and it looked pretty magnificent. I don’t remember much about the sex. We made love in the standard position. I’m from a farm in Middle America. We didn’t get a lot of Latinos with uncircumcised wieners there. I also thought about his testicles, but it seems Jose’s were unusually small. (editors note: this is called testicular atrophy and can be linked to steroid use)

Bruce Robinson sounds off about his life, passions and Big League career.

Stanford grad and modern day renaissance man.

Bruce Robinson only had 84 at bats as an Oakland Athletic, but what he has given to the game and life in general is something that you can’t find on the back of a bubblegum card. Baseball gives you a direct path into the formlessness of being and an entry point into the chaotic structures of the universe, but it also brings you more humanistic qualities like laughter, friendships and passion…

 

1.Let’s start at the beginning. You grew up in La Jolla, a quiet, beachfront San Diego suburb. How did you get interested in playing baseball and were you a Padres fan? (I believe they were a PCL team back then.)

I WAS BORN IN LA JOLLA, CALIFORNIA INTO A FAMILY OF BASEBALL LOVERS. MY TWO OLDER BROTHERS, SKIP AND DAVE ARE 10 AND 8 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. THEY WERE PLAYING ON A CHAMPIONSHIP LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM BY THE TIME I THREW A BALL THROUGH OUR LIVING ROOM WINDOW FROM MY CRIB AT AGE TWO. SUFFICE TO SAY, I WAS AT QUITE A FEW BASEBALL GAMES BY THE TIME I WAS 4 WHEN I STARTED TAKING GROUND BALLS WITH MY BROTHER’S TEAMS.

MY DAD PLAYED SUMMER BASEBALL IN MINNESOTA UNTIL HE WENT TO COLLEGE AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA. IT WAS MY DAD WHO INTRODUCED THE SPORT TO MY BROTHERS AND ME. MY MIDDLE BROTHER, DAVE, WAS, AND STILL IS, AN AMAZING ATHLETE. HE PLAYED FOR THE SAN DIEGO PADRES AND EVEN HIT A HOME RUN OFF HALL OF FAMER JUAN MARICHAL. HE WAS RECRUITED TO PLAY QUARTERBACK AT SAN DIEGO STATE BY COACHING LEGEND, DON CORYELL. HE SET AGE GROUP WORLD RECORDS IN THE DECATHLON, AND AT AGE 37 ALMOST QUALIFIED FOR THE OLYMPIC TRIALS IN THE DECATHLON. HE WAS RUNNING A SUB 3 HOUR MARATHON, 11 SECOND 100 YD DASH, POLE VAULTING 15 FEET…….INCREDIBLE………STILL LOOKS LIKE HE IS A BUFF 25 YR OLD FROM THE NECK DOWN……AT AGE 68!

I WAS NEVER A REAL FAN OF ANY MAJOR LEAGUE TEAM GROWING UP, EXCEPT POSSIBLY THE REDS AND THAT WOULD BE DUE TO JOHNNY BENCH! I STILL REMEMBER THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED COVER WITH BENCH HOLDING 7 BASEBALLS IN ONE OF HIS LARGE HANDS. AS FOR THE PCL PADRES, YES, I DID FOLLOW THEM AND ATTEND SOME OF THEIR GAMES AT WESTGATE PARK IN MISSION VALLEY, NOW THE SITE OF THE FASHION VALLEY SHOPPING MALL.

I PLAYED LITTLE LEAGUE (8-12), PONY LEAGUE (13-14), COLT LEAGUE (15-16), AMERICAN LEGION (15-16-17) AND HIGH SCHOOL BASEBALL AT LA JOLLA HIGH. AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, I HEADED NORTH TO ALASKA TO PLAY FOR THE BEST AMATEUR BASEBALL PROGRAM IN HISTORY, THE FAIRBANKS ALASKA GOLDPANNERS:

http://www.goldpanners.com/ (CHECK OUT THE GOLDPANNER WEB SITE……..PRETTY AMAZING WHAT THE PROGRAM HAS ACCOMPLISHED UNDER GENERAL MGR DON DENNIS!

Bruce in Alaska.

THE GOLDPANNERS HAVE PLACED OVER 200 OF THEIR PLAYERS INTO THE MAJOR LEAGUES. GOLDPANNERS HAVE BEEN DRAFTED IN THE 1ST ROUND OF THE MAJOR LEAGUE DRAFT 125 TIMES. 19 TIMES GOLDPANERS HAVE BEEN SELECTED WITH THE FIRST OR SECOND CHOICE IN THE MAJOR LEAGUE DRAFT…….RICK MONDAY, TOM SEAVER, DAVE WINFIELD, BOB BOONE, BARRY BONDS, JASON GIAMBI……….THE LIST GOES ON AND ON AND EVEN INCLUDES 4 YEAR GOLDPANNER…….ME! LOL! THOSE STATS I JUST MENTIONED ARE PROBABLY EVEN BETTER THAN I STATED! WHAT A GREAT EXPERIENCE! THE PLAYERS LIVED WITH FAMILIES IN THE FAIRBANKS COMMUNITY, HAD JOBS DURING THE DAYTIME AND PLAYED BASEBALL IN FAIRBANKS FOR ABOUT 7 WEEKS DURING THE SUMMER AGAINST TEAMS FROM ANCHORAGE, KENAI AND FROM THE “OUTSIDE” (WHAT THE LOWER 48 STATES ARE REFERRED TO AS).

THERE ARE GOLDPANNER TEAMS THAT HAVE HAD 10 PLAYERS GET TO THE MAJOR LEAGUES. I PLAYED ON TWO OF THEM. I WAS FORTUNATE TO HAVE BEEN A PART OF 3 STRAIGHT NBC (NATIONAL BASEBALL CONGRESS) CHAMPIONSHIPS IN WICHITA, KANSAS. WICHITA WAS THE CULIMINATION OF SUMMER AMATEUR BASEBALL. WE WON IN 1972-73-74. GET THIS, MY SON, SCOTT (NOW 31 AND A FORMER 8 YEAR PRO PLAYER) WENT TO FAIRBANKS AFTER HIS JUNIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL. I BELIEVE HE IS THE FIRST TO HAVE DONE SO. HE WENT BACK TO FAIRBANKS AFTER HIS SENIOR YEAR, WHEN HE COULDN’T COME TO AGREEMENT WITH THE HOUSTON ASTROS FOLLOWING THE 2002 BASEBALL DRAFT. HE PROCEDED TO LEAD THE TEAM IN HITTING, GET NAMED THE TEAM MVP AND WAS 2ND IN VOTING FOR LEAGUE MVP. SCOTT LED THE GOLDPANNERS TO THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP IN WICHITA IN 2002, 30 YEARS AFTER MY FIRST CHAMPIONSHIP! PRETTY COOL!

2. You were involved in a car accident with great closer and current Giants pitching coach Dave “Rags” Righetti that essentially ruined your career. (He needed reconstructive shoulder surgery) Can you talk a bit about the moments that lead to this life changing event?

FORTUNATELY, DAVE CAME AWAY FROM THE ACCIDENT UNINJURED. WE WERE ROOMMATES WITH THE YANKEES AAA TEAM IN COLUMBUS, OHIO (INTERNATIONAL LEAGUE) IN 1980. DAVE WAS PROBABLY 20 YRS OLD, DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE A CHECK, NOR TAKE REAL GOOD CARE OF HIMSELF. OF COURSE, HE OWES EVERYTHING TO ME!

“Rags” when he was a young buck.

DAVE AND I WERE RETURNING TO OUR COLUMBUS APARTMENT AFTER A NIGHT GAME. WE WERE STOPPED AT A SIGNALIZED INTERSECTION, IN A LEFT TURN LANE, WHEN A VEHICLE SLAMMED INTO THE REAR END OF MY CHEVY VAN. MY SEAT WAS BENT BACK TO A 45 DEGREE ANGLE BY THE FORCE OF THE IMPACT. DAVE’S SEAT REMAINED IN ITS PROPER VERTICAL POSITION, ALLOWING THE SEAT BELT AND SEAT TO DO THEIR JOBS PROPERLY. MY NECK, BACK AND SHOULDER WERE VERY SORE IN THE FOLLOWING DAYS.

MY THROWING ARM SLOWLY DETERIORATED TO THE POINT I WOULD WINCE WHEN THROWING. WE WERE ABOUT DONE WITH THE AAA SEASON AND ABOUT TO BE CALLED UP TO JOIN THE YANKEES FOR SEPTEMBER. THE YANKEES HAD A FEW CATCHERS AND WERE IN A PENNANT RACE IN 1980 UNDER MANAGER DICK HOWSER. HENCE, THE RECENTLY CALLED UP PLAYERS WOULDN’T SEE MUCH ACTION. I COULD GET AWAY WITH NOT TAKING INFIELD (EASIER TO DO TODAY SINCE TEAMS NO LONGER TAKE INFIELD PRACTICE BEFORE A GAME). I JUST WANTED TO GET THE SEASON OVER AND REST MY ARM……………I, INCORRECTLY, ASSUMED MY ARM WAS TIRED AND ONLY NEEDED THE OFF SEASON TO GET BACK TO FULL STRENGTH.

I HAD THE STARTING JOB IN 1981, ON A PLATOON BASIS, WITH RICK CERONE. THE PROBLEM WAS MY ARM NEVER GOT BETTER OVER THE WINTER. I WENT, UNKNOWN TO THE YANKEES, TO ORTHOPEDIC SPECIALISTS, AN ACUPUNCTURE DOCTOR, A DOCTOR OF OSTEOPATHY, MASSEURS………..ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO TRY AND GET MY ARM HEALED DURING THE OFF SEASON.

I WENT INTO SPRING TRAINING IN 1981 KNOWING MY ARM WAS INJURED. I COULDN’T SOAP UNDER MY ARM OR PUSH BUTTONS ON THE CAR RADIO WITHOUT A LOT OF PAIN, AND HERE I WAS TRYING TO PLAY BASEBALL AT ITS PINNACLE WITH NONE OTHER THAN THE NEW YORK YANKEES. I FAKED AND DODGED MY WAY THROUGH THE FIRST FEW WEEKS OF SPRING TRAINING. AFTER THE FIRST GAME OF SPRING TRAINING, AN AWAY GAME IN VERO BEACH AGAINST THE DODGERS, I SPOKE WITH MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER’S UNION SECOND IN COMMAND, DON FEHR. HE HAPPENED TO BE ATTENDING THE GAME AND HAD ADDRESSED OUR TEAM PRIOR TO THE GAME. I TOLD DON ABOUT MY ARM. HE ADVISED ME TO TELL THE YANKEES THAT DAY THAT I WAS HURT.

THOSE WORDS OF WISDOM FROM DON FEHR (WHO WENT ON TO REPLACE MARVIN MILLER AS THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE BASEBALL PLAYER’S UNION) WAS THE BEST ADVICE I COULD HAVE RECEIVED. I DID SO AND WAS PUT ON THE DISABLE LIST FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS, ALLOWING ME TO RECEIVE MY MAJOR LEAGUE SALARY.

THE YANKEES KEPT TRYING TO GET ME TO SAY I WAS OK WHEN I WASN’T. I REMEMBER TEAM DOCTOR AND ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON, DAN KANELL, TRYING REGULARLY TO GET ME TO PLAY. BY THE TIME THE REGULAR SEASON HAD STARTED, THE YANKEES WANTED ME TO SAY I WAS OK SO THEY COULD TAKE ME OFF THE MAJOR LEAGUE ROSTER. I WASN’T OKAY AND KANELL, THE YANKEES AND I KNEW IT. I STAYED BACK IN OUR SPRING TRAINING HEADQUARTERS IN FORT LAUDERDALE WHERE THE YANKEES CLASS A TEAM WAS LOCATED.

George Costanza’s boss, George Steinbrenner was furious.

BECAUSE I WAS ON THE DISABLED LIST, THE YANKEES HAD TO EMPLOY A RETIRED CATCHER, JOHNNY OATES, AS THE BACKUP CATCHER TO CERONE. OWNER GEORGE STEINBRENNER WAS FURIOUS THAT I WAS HURT. THE YANKEES ACTED LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT AND WANTED TO BE HURT. 

THE YANKEES WANTED ME TO PLAY A FEW GAMES WITH THE CLASS A FORT LAUDERDALE MINOR LEAGUE TEAM. I AGREED TO DO SO, BUT ONLY ON A REHABILITATION OPTION, TO SEE HOW MY INJURED SHOULDER WOULD REACT. BY BEING ON A REHABILITATION OPTION, THAT MEANT I WAS NOT AGREEING TO COME OFF THE MAJOR LEAGUE ROSTER BY PLAYING IN A MINOR LEAGUE GAME.

I WAS DH THE FIRST GAME OF A DOUBLEHEADER, HAD 3 HITS, HIT A HOMERUN AND FELT OKAY HITTING. I CAUGHT THE SECOND GAME OF THE DOUBLEHEADER IN FORT MYERS AND MY ARM WAS NO WHERE NEAR HEALED. IT WAS CLEARLY DAMAGED. I WANTED TO GO SEE FAMED DOCTORS KERLAN AND JOBE IN LOS ANGELES (OF TOMMY JOHN SURGERY FAME). THE YANKEES WOULDN’T LET ME GO WEST. BY THE CONTRACTUAL CONDITIONS OF THE BASIC AGREEMENT BETWEEN MLB AND THE PLAYER’S UNION, THE YANKEES WERE OBLIGATED TO PAY ONLY FOR ME TO GET A SECOND OPINION WITHIN THE REGION OF MY MAJOR LEAGUE TEAM. THAT MEANT THE EASTERN REGION.

ONE OF MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AND TEAMMATES HAD MARRIED DR. KERLAN’S DAUGHTER. I TOLD THE YANKEES I WOULD PAY MY OWN WAY TO SEE DR. KERLAN IN LOS ANGELES. THE YANKEES WANTED ME TO SEE THEIR DOCTOR IN NEW YORK. I SAID NO. THEY THEN SUGGESTED A DOCTOR IN PHILADELPHIA. I DIDN’T TRUST THEIR DOCTORS AFTER LISTENING TO THEIR FLORIDA DOCTOR, KANELL, KEEP TELLING ME I WAS HEALED. THE YANKEES RELENTED AND LET ME PAY MY OWN WAY TO LOS ANGELES.

WHEN I GOT TO DR. KERLAN’S OFFICE, THERE WAS A TELEGRAM WAITING FOR ME FROM THE GENERAL MANAGER OF THE YANKEES, CEDRIC TALLIS. THE TELEGRAM SAID I WAS TO BE EXAMINED BY DR. KERLAN AND EXPECTED TO BE BACK IN FORT LAUDERDALE WITHIN 24 HOURS. YOU SEE, THEY REALLY THOUGHT I WAS FAKING THE INJURY, COLLECTING MY MAJOR LEAGUE SALARY ($45,000……THE MINIMUM SALARY IN 1981 WAS $21,000!) AND HAVING A GOOD OLD TIME. THE YANKEES FRONT OFFICE WAS, SERIOUSLY, DILUSIONAL.

AFTER THE ARTHOGRAM RESULTS WERE REVIEWED, THE YANKEES AND I WERE BOTH TOLD BY DR. KERLAN, THAT I HAD A PROBLEM, AND THAT AN ARTHOSCOPY WAS NECESSARY TO DETERMINE THE EXTENT OF THE DAMAGE. AN ARTHOSCOPY IS A NON INVASIVE SURGERY THAT USES TWO SMALL HOLES TO INSERT A CAMERA INTO ONE HOLE AND TOOLS INTO THE OTHER HOLE. THAT IS HOW MANY SURGERIES ARE PERFORMED THESE DAYS, BUT IN 1981, ONLY DIAGNOSTIC RESULTS COULD BE ATTAINED IN THIS MANNER.

THE ARTHROSCOPY WAS SCHEDULED TWO WEEKS LATER. THE YANKEE BRASS WAS NOW REALLY MAD. THE YANKEES HAD TWO HURT CATCHERS AND THOUGHT I WAS FAKING MY INJURY. THE YANKEE FRONT OFFICE, READ GM TALLIS AND STEINBRENNER, HAD THE PROCEDURE MOVED UP TO TWO DAYS LATER INSTEAD OF TWO WEEKS LATER.

I HAD THE ARTHROSCOPY. IT WAS DETERMINED I HAD A FRACTURE IN MY SHOULDER JOINT, THE GLENOID, AND A LOT OF TISSUE DAMAGE, CAUSED BY PLAYING ON AN INJURED ARM. THE SURGERY WAS TO BE A POSTERIOR RECONSTRUCTION OF MY RIGHT SHOULDER, WITH A LARGE “T” STAPLE ALONG WITH REPAIR OF DAMAGE TO THE LABRUM. WE WERE IN MID TO LATE APRIL. THE SURGERY WAS SET FOR MAY 11, 1981.

WHEN THE YANKEES LEARNED THE EXTENT OF MY INJURIES, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEIR 180 DEGREE REVERSAL. I RECEIVED A TELEGRAM FROM GENERAL MANAGER, CEDRIC TALLIS, SAYING HOW HAPPY THEY WERE THAT I HAD MADE THE DECISION TO COME TO LOS ANGELES (ON MY DIME) AND WERE SO SORRY ABOUT THE NATURE OF MY SHOULDER INJURY. WHEN I HAD THE SURGERY, THE YANKEES MADE CERTAIN I WAS IN A LARGE VIP, PRIVATE SUITE, MADE SURE MY WIFE HAD FLOWERS, STEAK AND LOBSTER, ETC, ETC. AMAZING HOW MUCH THEY NOW LIKED ME!

I MISSED THE 1981 AND 1982 SEASONS ON THE DISABLED LIST. I WENT TO SPRING TRAINING WITH THE AAA COLUMBUS TEAM IN 1983. THE YANKEES TRIED TO TRADE ME DURING SPRING TRAINING AND WERE CLOSE TO A TRADE WITH THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES BUT THAT FELL THROUGH BECAUSE THE PIRATES REALIZED THE YANKEES WOULD PROBABLY RELEASE ME. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED AND THE PIRATES TURNED RIGHT AROUND AND SIGNED ME TO A CONTRACT TO PLAY IN………….DRUM ROLL,…….HONOLULU, HAWAII WITH THE PIRATES’ AAA TEAM IN THE PACIFIC COAST LEAGUE. NOT A BAD ASSIGNMENT FOR THE MINOR LEAGUES.

I PLAYED OKAY FOR NOT HAVING PLAYED SINCE SEPTEMBER 1980. IT WAS A FUN SEASON. I BECAME A FREE AGENT AFTER THAT SEASON AND SIGNED WITH THE OAKLAND A’S FOR THE 1984 SEASON. WHEN I SIGNED WITH THE A’S DURING THE OFF SEASON, IT APPEARED I WOULD HAVE A GOOD SHOT AT MAKING THE TEAM, IF NOT AS A STARTER OR PLATOON PLAYER, AS THE BACKUP CATCHER. THEY HAD ONLY MIKE HEATH TO RELY UPON AND HE WAS SURE TO BE INJURED, AS WAS HIS HISTORY.

THE PROBLEM WAS THAT THE A’S, SUBSEQUENT TO SIGNING ME, SIGNED VETERAN BACKUP CATCHER, JIM ESSIAN. THEY ALSO SIGNED DAVE KINGMAN, DAVEY LOPES, JEFF BURROGHS……….THAT MEANT WITH KINGMAN, LOPES AND BURROUGHS…..AGED VETERANS WHO REALLY COULD ONLY BE USED AS A DH, THERE WAS NO ROOM FOR 3 CATCHERS. HEATH AND ESSIAN HAD GUARANTEED CONTRACTS SO ROBINSON WAS……………OUT!

ALTHOUGH I WAS ONE OF THE TOP HITTERS IN BATTING AVERAGE THAT SPRING, THERE WAS NO ROOM FOR ME ON THE MAJOR LEAGUE ROSTER. I WAS SHIPPED OFF TO AAA TACOMA IN THE PACIFIC COAST LEAGUE FOR THE 1984 SEASON……….UNTIL MIKE HEATH WOULD GET HURT. I WAS ON MOMENT’S NOTICE AT ONE POINT FOR A FEW DAYS, BUT HEATH GOT BETTER. IF THE A’S CALLED ME UP, I HAD TO STAY THERE ALL YEAR. THEY DIDN’T WANT TO PULL ME UP WHEN HEATH WAS OUT A COUPLE GAMES…………I SHOULD HAVE PAID MIKE (HEATH) TO STAY HURT A FEW MORE DAYS! LOL

DURING THAT SEASON, I WAS APPROACHED BY THE A’S TO SEE IF I WAS OPEN TO STAYING ACTIVE, BUT RELOCATING TO THE A’S CLASS A TEAM IN MODESTO (WHERE I FIRST PLAYED IN 1975 AFTER BEING THE A’S 1ST ROUND DRAFT SELECTION OUT OF STANFORD UNIVERSITY FOLLOWING MY JUNIOR YEAR). THE A’S WANTED ME TO BE A PLAYER/COACH AND WORK WITH 2 PLAYERS, ONE YOUNG MAN WHO HAD TALENT, BUT WASN’T PERFORMING AND ANOTHER THAT WOULD BE JOINING THE MODESTO ROSTER AFTER PLAYING FOR OUR U.S. OLYMPIC TEAM……………..IT LOOKS LIKE I LED YOU RIGHT INTO YOUR NEXT QUESTION!

3. You had a coaching role in class A Modesto in 1984 where your specific task was to help a young Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco become the sluggers that they eventually became. Can you talk a bit about your approach with each one and give the readers a little insight as to their personalities?

JOSE WAS 19 YEARS OLD WHEN I JOINED THE TEAM DURING MID SUMMER OF 1984. I SEEM TO RECALL THAT A’S DIRECTOR OF MINOR LEAGUES, KARL KUEHL, SAID JOSE HAD LOST HIS MOM EARLIER THAT SUMMER. JOSE WAS UNDERPERFORMING…………STRUGGLING IS A BETTER WORD. JOSE WAS SOMEWHAT UNORTHODOX, IN MANY WAYS MUCH LIKE A HUNTER PENCE…………..BUT NOBODY CAN LOOK SO BAD AND GET SUCH GOOD RESULTS.

HUNTER IS JUST PLAIN UGLY TO WATCH, THROWING, HITTING, RUNNING, THE PANTS………..AND HE LOOKS LIKE MARTY FELDMAN………..BUT I’D PICK HIM #1 FOR MY TEAM. MY SON, WHO PLAYED 8 YEARS OF BASEBALL, WAS ON A TEAM WITH HIM IN THE MINOR LEAGUES. I ASKED SCOTT IF THERE WERE ANY MAJOR LEAGUE PROSPECTS ON HIS TEAM. HE SAID THERE WAS ONE PLAYER, HUNTER PENCE, BUT THAT HE WAS THE UGLIEST PLAYER HE HAD EVER SEEN. I COULDN’T EVEN CONCEIVE OF THE PENCE WE WATCH TODAY. HOW HE CAN MAKE UGLY AND WRONG WORK SO WELL IS SIMPLY ASTOUNDING…………

Jose, before he blew off the finger.

…….BACK TO JOSE CANSECO: JOSE HAD A GOOD ARM, IN FACT A VERY GOOD ARM, A “PLUS” ARM. ERRATIC, YES, BUT STRONG………NO DOUBT. I THINK JOSE WAS HITTING ABOUT .220 FOR MODESTO AT THE TIME I STARTED WORKING WITH HIM. HE WAS SO MESSED UP HITTING. WHEN HIS STRIDE FOOT HIT THE GROUND, THE END OF THE BARREL OF HIS BAT WOULD BE POINTED AT THE PITCHER. THAT IS NOT GOOD. I WOULD WORK WITH HIM, TAKING VIDEO AND THEN WATCHING THE VIDEO THE NEXT MORNING. WE GOT HIM TO A GOOD LAUNCHING POSITION WITH HIS HANDS AND HE STARTED GETTING SOME CONSISTENCY AND SOME BETTER RESULTS. HE WAS ABOUT 190 LBS, VERY SLENDER AT 6’ 3”. HE KEPT TELLING ME, OVER AND OVER, IT WASN’T THE POSITION OF HIS HANDS THAT WAS CAUSING HIS BATTING WOES, BUT INSTEAD THAT HE WAS TOO WEAK………..HE SAID HE HAD TO GET STRONGER………….HAD TO LIFT WEIGHTS…………HE WAS GOING TO LIFT WEIGHTS DURING THE OFF SEASON AND GET STRONGER. I TOLD JOSE, GETTING STRONGER WAS GREAT, BUT THAT HE WOULD NEVER HIT DOING WHAT HE HAD BEEN DOING WITH HIS HANDS.

JOSE WAS REALLY KIND OF FUNNY TO WORK WITH. HE WAS THE TYPE OF INDIVIDUAL YOU WOULD TELL SOMETHING AND THEN HE WOULD COME BACK THE NEXT DAY AND TELL ME THAT HE HAD FIGURED OUT SOMETHING TO HELP HIM………….ONLY IT WOULD BE WHAT I HAD BEEN TRYING TO DRILL INTO HIS HEAD.

I WILL SAY THIS ABOUT JOSE, HE WAS HONEST, POLITE AND RESPECTFUL. HE WAS RAISED PROPERLY BY HIS PARENTS. MAYBE NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED, BUT HE TOLD THE TRUTH. AND THAT GOES FOR HIS STATEMENT THAT CAUSED SUCH FUROR ABOUT 80% OF PLAYERS BEING ON STEROIDS AT THAT TIME. HE WAS, ACTUALLY, PROBABLY A BIT LOW IN HIS ESTIMATION.

DID ANY OF US HAVE ANY CLUE THAT SKINNY JOSE WOULD BECOME ONE OF THE MOST FEARED HITTERS IN BASEBALL HISTORY? NOT A CHANCE……….BUT HE DID, BECOMING PART OF THE BASH BROTHERS WITH MARK MCGWIRE.

I GUESS THAT SEGUES NICELY INTO MY NEXT SUBJECT, SKINNY MARK MCGWIRE, SON OF A DENTIST, USC PITCHER TURNED HITTER. MARK CAME TO THE A’S VIA THE 1ST ROUND OF THE 1984 MAJOR LEAGUE DRAFT. MARK HAD A STELLAR BASEBALL CAREER AT THE UNIVERSITY OF SPOILED CHILDREN…….NO WAIT, THAT’S THE UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA! LOL (BEING A STANFORD GRAD, IT WOULD NOT BE RIGHT TO NOT TAKE A STAB AT THE TROJANS! ACTUALLY, HAD I NOT BEEN OFFERED A FULL RIDE TO STANFORD, I WOULD HAVE BEEN A TROJAN AT USC OR A SUNDEVIL AT ARIZONA STATE. THE STANFORD OFFER MADE IT EASY. I DIDN’T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TROJANS AND SUNDEVILS…………….

“Big Mac”

………….BACK TO MR. MCGWIRE. MARK SHOWED UP IN MODESTO AFTER THE OLYMPIC GAMES IN 1984 AT 6’5” AND ABOUT 190 LBS, THE SAME WEIGHT AS CANSECO, BUT TWO INCHES TALLER. HE WAS TIRED FROM THE USC SEASON, THE NUMEROUS GAMES AND TRAVEL LEADING UP TO THE OLYMPICS AND THEN THE OLYMPIC GAMES THEMSELVES. HIS BAT WAS SLOW. HE HAD TO MAKE THE SWITCH FROM AN ALUMINUM BAT TO THE WOOD BAT OF PRO BASEBALL. WOOD BATS ARE WEIGHTED DIFFERENTLY AND WEIGH MORE THAN ALUMINUM BATS. MARK WAS A VERY NICE YOUNG MAN, ALSO RAISED WELL BY HIS FOLKS. I ENJOYED SPENDING TIME WORKING WITH HIM AND MEETING HIS FIANCE, ALSO FROM USC.

WITH MARK, HIS SWING WAS SHORT, WHICH WAS GOOD. HE HAD SOME BALANCE ISSUES, AS I RECALL, SO WE WORKED ON THAT BY SPREADING HIM OUT A BIT. HE WAS PRETTY UPRIGHT AND TENDED TO PULL OFF THE BALL SOME. NOTHING TERRIBLE LIKE THE ISSUES WITH CANSECO. MCGWIRE WAS MUCH MORE POLISHED THAN JOSE AT THAT TIME, AND HE WAS ALSO 2 YEARS JOSE’S SENIOR AT 21.

DID ANY OF US HAVE A CLUE THAT SKINNY MARK WOULD BECOME ONE OF THE MOST FEARED HITTERS IN BASEBALL HISTORY? NOT A CHANCE……BUT I THOUGHT HE HAD A CHANCE TO BE A GOOD MAJOR LEAGUER. HE WAS JUST WORN OUT, PHYSICALLY WHEN HE WAS IN MODESTO. HE NEEDED TO GET STRONGER, STRONG ENOUGH TO ENDURE A PRO SEASON OF 140 GAMES IN THE MINORS AND 162 GAMES AT THE MAJOR LEAGUE LEVEL.

LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT FROM THE TIME OUR 1984 MODESTO A’S WON THE CLASS A CALIFORNIA LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP IN MID SEPTEMBER OF 1984, TO THE START OF SPRING TRAINING IN 1985, THAT MY TWO SKINNY HITTING PROJECTS WOULD BLOOM FROM 6’3”/190 LBS AND 6’5” 190 LBS TO BOTH WEIGHING IN AROUND 250 LBS…………..FROM OCT 1, 1984 TO MARCH 1, 1985. NOW THAT, MY FRIENDS IS SOME SERIOUS WEIGHT LIFTING AND GOOD NUTRITION! MY OH MY! LOL AND THE REST IS, AS THEY SAY, HISTORY.

4. Brian Kingman (ex Athletics pitcher) told me that you would have some stories of young baseball players on the road engaging in debauchery. Can you talk a bit about that without incriminating anyone? (specifically Brian!)

That’s Bruce on the left and Brian Kingman on the right…with former major leaguer and Oakland A (1977), Jim Umbarger in the middle.

WE ALWAYS BEHAVED IN THE MOST EXEMPLARY FASHION, CHOIR BOYS, IF YOU WILL………………..WELL, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE CASE IF IT WERE NOT FOR MY VERY CLOSE FRIEND AND FORMER TEAMMATE, BRIAN “DISNEYWORLD” KINGMAN (“DIZZ” TO ME). I HAVE A LOT OF BASEBALL STORIES THAT COULD KEEP ME TYPING FOR AN ENTIRE BOOK. I HAVE OFTEN THOUGHT I SHOULD WRITE A BOOK OF MY BEST STORIES, ALONG WITH THE BEST ONES OF MY TEAMMATES. THERE IS PLENTY OF MATERIAL FOR A CLEAN BUT HILARIOUS BOOK AND I GUESS WE COULD WRITE ONE THAT IS A BIT DISPARAGING, NO, A LOT DISPARAGING……………BUT JIM BOUTON BEAT US TO IT WITH “BALL FOUR” SO WHY GO THERE?

I WILL TELL YOU ONE KINGMAN STORY………..PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE THAT CANT SEND US TO JAIL………….AND THAT IS TAKING INTO ACCOUNT STATUTES OF LIMITATIONS! LOL

OK, DOUBLE A CHATTANOOGA………..13 HOUR BUS RIDE FROM CHATTANOOGA TO ORLANDO. WE LEAVE AFTER A SUNDAY DAY GAME FROM ENGLE STADIUM IN “NOOGA”. KINGMAN AND I HAD FASHIONED A PLYWOOD SHEET OF WOOD TO CONFORM TO THE CONTOUR OF THE BACK TWO ROWS OF SEATS ACROSS FROM THE BUS RESTROOM. WE GOT COMPLAINTS FROM OUR TEAMMATES BECAUSE WE WERE GETTING SPECIAL TREATMENT GETTING TO TAKE UP 2 ROWS (4 SEATS) FOR TWO PLAYERS. AND, THE “BED”, AS THE PLANK WAS CALLED, ALLOWED DIZZ AND I TO STRETCH OUT AND SLEEP, RATHER THAN BE FORCED TO TRY TO SLEEP UPRIGHT IN A BUS SEAT. (YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THIS WAS 1976, THE BUSSES WERE REALLY AWFUL AND BEING WITH THE A’S MEANT THEY WERE EVEN WORSE THAN AWFUL BECAUSE OUR ORGANIZATION, OWNED BY FERVENT CHEAPSKATE, CHARLES O. FINLEY, WAS RIFE WITH THRIFTYNESS UP AND DOWN THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION. IN FACT WE WERE SO NEEDY THAT OUR DIRECTOR OF MINOR LEAGUES WAS, SERIOUSLY, SID THRIFT! YOU CAN’T MAKE THAT STUFF UP!)………….BOTTOM LINE, THE OTHER PLAYERS WERE JEALOUS THEY HAD NOT THOUGHT OF “THE BED”……AND I HAD AN AILING LOWER BACK WHICH GAVE ME A REASON TO NEED TO STRETCH OUT…………..AND BEING THAT KINGMAN AND I WERE THE STARS (LOL), WE COULD GET AWAY WITH IT…………THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS………RIGHT? YEP!

CONTINUING…………WE HAVE TO STOP AND CHANGE BUSSES IN ATLANTA………GREAT, ALL LOADED UP WITH OUR PERSONAL STUFF, SUITCASES, BASEBALL BAGS, TEAM GEAR, TRAINER’S EQUIPMENT, WE HAVE TO STOP AND CHANGE BUSSES. WELCOME TO THE “ SID THRIFTY” OAKLAND A’S MINOR LEAGUES. WE GET THE GEAR SWAPPED OUT AND ARE GIVEN 1 HOUR TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT AND BE BACK ON THE BUS. SO IS THE EDICT FROM OUR MANAGER, RENE LACHEMAN (BY THE WAY….ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE ALL TIME IN PRO BASEBALL………..LACH WAS AND IS A GREAT GUY AND I AM STILL IN TOUCH WITH HIM AND ONE OF HIS SONS WHO WAS ABOUT 7 AT THE TIME). YOU SEE, WHAT LACH SAID WAS THE LAW. WHEN THE BUS LEAVES AT 7:30PM, THE BUS LEAVES AT 7:30PM. BE ON IT OR GET YOURSELF TO THE NEXT CITY, EVEN IF THE DOORS CLOSE AND YOU ARE STANDING OUTSIDE TALKING OR RUNNING TO IT IN PLAIN SIGHT WITH FOOD FALLING FROM YOUR GRASP. TOUGH LUCK CHIEF! LACH TAUGHT A FEW PLAYERS ABOUT THE MEANING AND SIGNIFICANCE OF THE WORD, “PUNCTUALITY”.

CONTINUING……….WE HAVE ONE HOUR TO GET OUR FOOD AND BEVERAGES OF CHOICE. KINGMAN DECIDES HE SHOULD LEAD A GROUP OF US TO PEACHTREE PLAZA TO ASCEND THE NEW 80 STORY BUILDING. SOUNDS LIKE FUN. WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME AS IT IS ALMOST ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE BUS STATION. WE CAN GRAB A QUICK COUPLE OF BURGERS, FRIES AND A SHAKE RIGHT BEFORE GETTING ON THE BUS.

OUR GANG OF ABOUT 10 CHATTANOOGA LOOKOUT BALLPLAYERS, INCLUDING OUR FEARLESS LEADER, DISNEYWORLD KINGMAN, GET IN THE ELEVATOR AND GO TO THE TOP OF THE NEW SKYSCRAPER. GREAT VIEWS, NOW LET’S GET BACK, GET SOME FOOD AND GET ON THE BUS. SIMPLE. WE PILE ON THE ELEVATOR, HIT “1” OR “L” FOR LOBBY AND BEGIN PICKING UP SPEED ON OUR DESCENT OF OVER 900 FEET. ABOUT 20 FLOORS FROM THE TOP, KINGMAN DECIDES HE WOULD PULL THE DOORS OF THE ELEVATOR APART TO WATCH THE FLOORS SHOOT BY LIKE A CAR DRIVING PAST A PICKET FENCE. MAYBE NOT SUCH A SMART DECISION………GEE BRIAN, DO YOU THINK THAT IS A SMART THING TO DO?  (I WAS ASKED THIS ONCE BY A HOTEL MANAGER AS I WASHED MY CAR IN HIS PARKING LOT………WITH BRIAN IN MY PRESENCE DURING OUR VERY FIRST SPRING TRAINING (WITH RICKEY HENDERSON). SEEMS THE HOTEL MANAGER DIDN’T WANT ME GETTING HIS ASPHALT WET…..REALLY, THAT’S WHAT HE TOLD ME.) THE ELEVATOR CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT AT ABOUT THE 54TH FLOOR OF THE PEACHTREE PLAZA. STUCK, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE 54TH AND 53RD FLOORS, WE PULLED THE DOORS APART AND, ONE BY ONE, CLIMBED OUT OF THE ELEVATOR, HOPING IT WOULDN’T START BACK UP AND SEVER ONE OF US IN HALF. WE FOUND THE STAIRWAY AND RAN DOWN 53 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS, ACROSS THE STREET, AND DOWN TWO BLOCKS, LAUGHING AND SWEARING AT KINGMAN THE ENTIRE WAY.

IT WAS A LONG 11 HOURS TO ORLANDO WITHOUT FOOD…………WE DIDN’T HAVE TIME, THANKS TO OUR TEAMMATE, DISNEYWORLD KINGMAN………..BUT, WE DID MAKE THE BUS.

5. Your legacy will be sealed forever because you invented the ” Robby Pad” in 1980. (for those of you that don’t know, the Robby Pad is a hinged flap on the Right/catchers throwing shoulder of the catchers chest protector. Almost every catcher in MLB uses this today.) Talk a bit about how that came about and the ensuing lawsuit.

That’s Bruce’s dad on the left and his son on the right. They are posing next to the original “Robby Pad” in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

ALTHOUGH I HAD NEVER BEEN HIT BY A FOUL BALL ON THE EXPOSED RIGHT SHOULDER WHILE CATCHING, I HAD SEEN A COUPLE CATCHERS GET HIT THERE…….AND HAVE TO MISS 3 TO 5 GAMES. BALL ON BONE AT 90 MPH IS NOT FUN, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE TO THROW WITH THOSE BONES. FOR THE HISTORY OF BASEBALL, A CATCHER’S CHEST PROTECTOR PROTECTED THE NON THROWING SHOULDER BUT LEFT THE THROWING SHOULDER EXPOSED. THE RATIONALE FOR THIS DESIGN FLAW WAS THAT THE CATCHER NEEDED TO HAVE HIS THROWING SHOULDER FREE FROM PADDING TO BE ABLE TO THROW WITHOUT INTERFERENCE.

AFTER SEEING ANOTHER CATCHER TAKE A FOUL BALL TO THE THROWING SHOULDER, I THOUGHT THAT A HINGED FLAP WOULD BE A GOOD SOLUTION. I CUT UP A CHEST PROTECTOR TO MAKE A FEW FLAPS, PUT THREE HOLES ON THE FLAT EDGE AND TIED ONE ON TO EACH OF OUR TEAM’S CHEST PROTECTORS WITH SHOESTRING. PLAYERS ON MY TEAM CALLED IT A ROBBYPAD. CATCHERS FROM OTHER TEAMS LIKED MY INNOVATION. I MADE SOME FOR THEM FROM MY CUT UP PROTECTOR AND THE ROBBY PAD WAS BOTH BORN AND IMMEDIATELY ACCEPTED.

DURING SPRING TRAINING OF 1981, WILSON SPORTING GOODS APPROACHED ME, TOOK PHOTOS OF MY ROBBY PAD OUTSIDE THE LOCKER ROOM, SENT ME LETTERS ABOUT WORKING WITH ME……….COOL……….THIS MIGHT LEAD TO SOMETHING. I HAD A PATENT ATTORNEY AND MY PATENT WAS APPLIED FOR WITH THE U.S. PATENT OFFICE. THEY DENIED MY APPLICATION, STATING THERE WAS SOME PREVIOUS APPARATUS FROM THE LATE 1800’S THAT WOULD PRECLUDE THEM GRANTING ME A PATENT. THIS 1890’S DEVICE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BASEBALL GEAR.

WHEN WILSON LEARNED OF MY INABILITY TO GET A PATENT, THEY WENT TO WORK AND PRODUCED IT, LEAVING ME IN THE DUST. WE WENT AFTER THEM, BUT THEIR ATTORNIES LIED, SAID THEY HAD BEEN DEVELOPING THE HINGED FLAP PRIOR TO ME AND BESIDES I DIDN’T HAVE A PATENT.

6. What are your thoughts on new commissioner Rob Manfred trying to ban the infield shift? (personally I think it’s ridiculous). STUPID………THEY SHOULD WORRY MORE ABOUT DEFLATED BASEBALLS, THE ADVENT OF THE LEFT HANDED RAKE AND MOVING THE MOUND BACK TO 70 FEET…………….AND TALK TO KINGMAN AND I WHEN NEW STADIUMS ARE DESIGNED…………HARD TO BELIEVE THE STUPID DECISIONS MADE BY NON BASEBALL PEOPLE INJECTING THEIR “WISDOM AND EXPERIENCE” INTO THE GAME.

7. You are passionate about music and have even played the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame! Talk a bit about your music and what are your favorite bands/influences.

THANKS FOR ASKING. MUSIC HAS BEEN A BIG PART OF MY LIFE, EVER SINCE 1962 WHEN I PURCHASED MY FIRST 45 RPM RECORD, “RHYTHM OF THE RAIN”……..AT AGE 8. OF COURSE, WHEN THE BEATLES APPEARED ON THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW IN 1964, MY WORLD AND THE WORLD WAS NEVER THE SAME. I’VE BEEN A BEATLES FAN SINCE THAT EVENING AND OWN EVERY CAPITOL RAINBOW LABEL OF EVERY BEATLES ALBUM PRODUCED IN THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. I ALSO OWN EVERY PARLOPHONE LABEL BEATLES ALBUM. 1ST PRINTINGS OF ALL OF THEM. OTHER INFLUENCES WOULD HAVE TO BE JAMES TAYLOR, BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD, JACKSON BROWNE, CAROLE KING, ROBERT JOHNSON, MISSISSIPPI MUDSHARK SEKINS……….SO MANY FROM THE MID TO LATE 1960’S PLUS CURRENT COUNTRY ARTISTS LIKE TIM MCGRAW (SON OF FAMOUS MET’S RELIEF PITCHER, TUG MCGRAW) AND BLAKE SHELTON.

Bruce strummin’ on his guitar.

AT THE PRODDING OF CLASSMATES, I BECAME PART OF A MUSICAL GROUP IN THE 6TH GRADE. I SANG AND PLAYED ENOUGH LOW NOTES ON A GUITAR TO PROCLAIM I PLAYED BASS GUITAR. I WAS PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE OF OUR 5 MEMBERS TO HAVE THE GUTS TO SING, SO I WAS THE LEAD SINGER. THE BAND PLAYED AT SCHOOL CARNIVALS AND SOME CHURCH YOUTH GROUP PARTIES BEFORE I DROPPED OUT TO STICK TO MY COMMITMENT TO BECOMING A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER.

I STARTED PLAYING GUITAR AROUND MY SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL AND KEPT AT IT THROUGH COLLEGE, DURING MY TEN YEARS IN PRO BASEBALL AND INTO MY PROFESSIONAL AND FAMILY LIFE. I ALWAYS PLAYED OTHER ARTIST’S SONGS, NEVER IMAGINING WRITING MY OWN MUSIC.

FAST FORWARD TO IDAHO, WHERE I MAINTAIN A HOME, PERCHED ON THE SNAKE RIVER. I WAS OUT ONE NIGHT IN TWIN FALLS, IDAHO. I MET TWO MUSICIANS WHO WERE PRETTY GOOD. I TALKED WITH THEM DURING A BREAK AND DISCOVERED THEY HOSTED A WEEKLY OPEN MIC NIGHT AT THE RESTAURANT/BAR. THEY, AND OTHERS ENCOURAGED ME INTO PLAYING AN OPEN MIC THE NEXT NIGHT. I SHOWED UP, NERVOUS OUT OF MY MIND (REMEMBER, I HAD PLAYED BASEBALL IN FRONT OF 50,000 PEOPLE AND ON NATIONAL TELEVSION……….AND HERE I WAS NERVOUS IN FRONT OF 25-30 PEOPLE….PRETTY FUNNY). I SANG SEVEN COVER SONGS AND GOT MORE COMFORTABLE WITH EACH ONE, BUT IT ALL SPED BY PRETTY QUICKLY.

I DID A FEW MORE OPEN MICS, THEN ACCOMPANIED MY FRIENDS DURING A COUPLE OF THEIR GIGS, ALWAYS JUST COVER SONGS OR BLUES JAMS. I LEFT TWIN FALLS FOR THE WINTER FOR MY OTHER HOME IN SAN DIEGO. WHEN I RETURNED IN THE SPRING OF 2009 I, ASKED THE RESTAURANT OWNER IF I COULD PLAY ONE NIGHT A WEEK, SOLO, FOR TIPS. HE AGREED AND I BEGAN PLAYING 2 HOURS A NIGHT, EVERY WEEK THAT YEAR INTO THE FALL AND AGAIN IN 2010.

BY THAT TIME, I HAD STARTED WRITING SONGS. I WROTE ONE IN 2008, 2 IN 2009, 3 IN 2010 AND 16 IN 2011. IN JANUARY OF 2011, I HAD MET A GUY WITH A RECORDING STUDIO IN KANSAS CITY. HE WAS A BASEBALL FAN AND OVER THE MONTHS OF OUR COMMUNICATION ABOUT SPORTS AND SUCH, HE OFFERED TO RECORD ME AT HIS STUDIO. IT WAS A PAINFUL EXPERIENCE. I HAD NEVER USED A CLICK TRACK (A METRONOME CLICKING IN MY HEADPHONES) TO KEEP THE TEMPO AND ENDED UP BEING THE RHYTHM GUITAR PLAYER, UKULELE PLAYER, LEAD GUITAR PLAYER (WHICH I DON’T DO), VOCALIST AND HARMONICA PLAYER (WHICH I DO JUST A LITTLE BIT OF). NO PERCUSSION, NO KEYBOARD, NO BASS, NO BACKING VOCALS……..IT WAS FUN, BUT TOUGH AND A GREAT LEARNING EXPERIENCE. I RECORDED 20 ORIGINAL SONGS AND THE CD CASE AND COLLATERAL MATERIAL WERE WAY, WAY, WAY BETTER THAN THE MUSIC!

AS 2011 PROGRESSED, I WAS PLAYING MORE AND MORE GIGS, INCLUDING LAS VEGAS, GIGS IN IDAHO, SAN DIEGO AND THEN RECEIVED THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME. I WAS PRESENTED WITH THE CHANCE TO PLAY A 90 MINUTE SOLO SHOW ON THE BIG STAGE AT THE ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME IN CLEVELAND, OHIO. ME, ARE YOU KIDDING? YEP……….WELL THAT TOOK ABOUT A NANO SECOND TO SAY YES. THE NEW YORK YANKEES WOULD BE IN TOWN THE WEEKEND I WAS ASKED TO PLAY, THE ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME THOUGHT I WOULD BE A GREAT FIT FOR A CROSS PROMOTION. I HAD SO MUCH FUN PLAYING, TOURING THE HALL FOR MY 3RD VISIT, GOING TO THE CLEVELAND INDIANS GAME THE NIGHT I PLAYED AND SITTING IN AN OWNER’S BOX. PRETTY HEADY STUFF.

OK, SO WHO IS THE ONLY PERSON WITH A CONNECTION TO THE BASEBALL HALL OF FAME AND THE ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME? THAT WOULD BE BRUCE ROBINSON………AS IN ME…..INVENTOR OF THE ROBBY PAD AND SINGER SONGWRITER. PRETTY FUN!

I WOULD BE REMISS IF I DIDN’T PLUG MY MUSIC. TO DATE, I HAVE WRITTEN AND COPYWRITED 57 SONGS AND PRODUCED 3 CDS, THE MOST RECENT TWO OF WHICH I AM VERY PROUD. THE SECOND CD, “IN GOOD HANDS” IS FULLY PRODUCED WITH PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS BACKING MY VOCALS, GUITAR AND UKULELE PLAYING. IT CAME OUT IN JANUARY 2012 AND HAS ALL 20 OF THE ORIGINAL SONGS FROM MY 1ST CD, “IT’S ABOUT TIME”, PLUS 13 NEW SONGS. IT IS A TWO CD SET WITH 33 ORIGINAL SONGS. TO BE CANDID, IF I WERE REALLY IN THIS FOR THE MONEY, YOUNG AND CARING ABOUT MY IMAGE, I WOULD HAVE ONLY PUT ABOUT 18 OF THE 33 SONGS ON THE 2ND CD. I STILL PLAY ABOUT 21 OF 33 WHEN I PLAY GIGS, BUT THE OTHERS, NOT SO MUCH.

THE 3RD CD, TITLED “3” WAS RELEASED IN JUNE OF 2014 AND IS VERY POLISHED. AS WITH THE SECOND CD, “IN GOOD HANDS”, IT IS FULLY PRODUCED WITH BOTH STUDIO AND TOURING PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS BACKING MY GUITAR PLAYING AND LEAD VOCALS. WE PUT TWICE AS MUCH STUDIO TIME PER SONG INTO “3” AS WE DID INTO “IN GOOD HANDS”. “3” IS VERY POLISHED AND HAS GREAT SONGS. YOU’LL FIND, IN ADDITION TO MY GUITAR, KEYBOARDS, BASS GUITAR, GREAT DRUMS AND PERCUSSION, PEDAL STEEL GUITAR, HARMONICA, BACKING VOCALS, LEAD GUITAR AND EVEN A TROMBONE ON ONE SONG. I HAVE AN AMAZING RECORDING ENGINEER WHO OWNS THE STUDIO WHERE THE MOST RECENT TWO CD’S WERE MADE, BLITZ RECORDING STUDIO IN SAN DIEGO.

I ENCOURAGE ALL OF YOU TO VISIT MY WEBSITE AT: WWW.BRUCEROBINSONMUSIC.COM YOU WILL FIND MY HOMEPAGE, BIO, LYRICS & CHORDS TO MY FIRST 50 SONGS (7 NEW ONES HAVE BEEN WRITTEN FOR THE NEXT CD), BLOG, PHOTO GALLERY AND OF COURSE THE STORE WHERE YOU CAN ORDER CD’S AND POSTERS. YOU CAN ALSO ORDER FROM iTunes, CD BABY AND OTHER ON LINE STORES, BUT I GET MORE MONEY (A GOOD THING) IF YOU ORDER FROM ME DIRECTLY OFF OF MY WEBSITE. PLUS, I CAN SIGN THE CD’S AND POSTERS WHICH IS A DROP DOWN MENU OPTION. YOU WANT THE MUSIC DIGITALLY YOU SAY. WELL, JUST ORDER FROM ME AND DOWNLOAD ON TO YOUR COMPUTER INTO YOUR iTunes AND THEN ON TO YOUR I-Pod. GOT IT? THANK YOU! ANY QUESTIONS, CONTACT ME OFF OF THE EMAIL ADDRESS ON MY WEBSITE.

FOR EVEN MORE PROPAGANDA, YOU CAN GO TO: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Robinson_%28baseball%29 OR GOOGLE: BRUCE ROBINSON SINGER SONGWRITER OR BRUCE ROBINSON BASEBALL AND GET TO MY WIKIPEDIA PAGE.

I’m just a gun cleanin’ fool.

This is a short piece of fiction inspired by a very poignant moment of reality.

 

God, I love Leila.

Sounds like she is feeding the dogs right now. Jesus, those tits are amazing.

They are talking about ebola on the radio. I’ve been feeling feverish lately. I need to get that checked out. Ebola….that sounds funny.

Leila wanted to go get a”falafel” earlier. I had no idea what she was talking about. “Middle Eastern food,” she says. I wanted a Cuban sandwich.

The dogs are barking. Neighbor is fussing around in her backyard. I wonder if she knows I’m famous?

Puma puntu…or is it Punku? I just know that it fascinates me. Wow. How’d they do that?

Leila

“You’re  a lot to handle…sometimes I just give up. But I’m all you have. You don’t have anybody else in your life.” Leila told me this earlier. She’s probably right. I need to call my manager about that autograph session later this week.

I do not think Mr 50/50 is born or conceived yet. God, I love Leila….her ass is amazing. Yummy.

I would love to be the hitting coach of the Oakland A’s. I love Oakland; the fans made me feel wanted again at the reunion.

Leila is cooking something. God, I love her. Wow. I made my Major League debut a year before she was born.

I think I need to clean my guns. I was the first man to achieve 40/40…perhaps I can be the first man to clean 4 guns at one time…..

 

 

 

 

LaRussa and the Hall of Fame

vegetarian, renaissance man, and originator of one of the most over-rated positions in sports: the one inning “closer.”

1986 And The Rest Is History…….. by Scott Guilmette
You can’t really fault Jackie Moore, the 1986 Opening Day Manager of the Oakland Athletics; the pitching on that team was suspect at best. The Athletics had a decent hitting team, with eventual Rookie of the Year Jose Canseco leading the way. Dave “ King Kong “ Kingman was playing his last season and the natives were getting restless, so a change needed to be made……Bring in one Anthony “ Tony “ LaRussa to guide this team of rookies, scrap heap rejects and players who’s better days have long been in the rear-view mirror. La Russa, who had spent 7 years managing the ChiSox was a great pickup by the Athletics after the ChiSox axed him three weeks earlier and he proved it in his first game as manager. The Athletics were in Boston to play the RedSox and he chose seldom used long reliever Dave Stewart to start that night against Roger Clemens and of course Smoke beat that ass!!!!! He started a trend that night that Clemens wished he was never part of…….NO LUCK AGAINST THE ATHLETICS OR STEWART……
LaRussa has a Degree in Law and I always thought of him as a smooth snake in the grass lawyer as to how he managed the game….he always seemed in control, no matter what the situation was, and he always seemed classy in doing it. He was just what the Athletics needed at that time in their history…..after it was all said and done in Oakland, LaRussa was the winningest manager in Oakland Athletic’s club history with 798, one World Series Championship ( 4-0 Sweep against the sorry asses from across the Bay ) and two Manager of the Year Awards. He is 3rd on the All Time wins- list with 2,728, behind only John McGraw and All Time Leader Connie Mack.  Not bad Athletics fans, some of us have had the good fortune to see one of the greatest managers of all time!!!!!
LaRussa will forever be linked to the shady past of the game of baseball known as the Steroid Era……It was during his watch that the Athletics clubhouse exploded with brawn, and it seemed that he did nothing about it…..you might as well put ALL of MLB’s managers, front office personnel and the Commissioner in that boat too because NO ONE did a damn thing to stop it from happening. It’s not the first time in this games’ illustrious history that there been a shadow cast on it and it won’t be the last either. It’s not LaRussa’s fault……but the haters will hate… oh well, get in line because he’s in the Hall of Fame now. He made it easy for me, a life long Athletics fan to follow him and the St. Louis Cardinals after he left the Athletics when Walter Haas, Jr. passed away.
So CONGRATS Tony, I’m glad I had the opportunity to watch you manage this game I truly Love…….

Tommie Reynolds interview

Tommie Reynolds was drafted by the Kansas City Athletics in 1963, and played for them among other teams like the Mets, Angels and Brewers before he retired after the 1972 season. Mr. Reynolds was also a bench coach for the Oakland A’s during their 1989 World Series run, and later followed Tony LaRussa to St. Louis where he did the same for the Cardinals during the summer of 1996.

I recently received the following interview in the mail. I’d like to thank Mr. Reynolds for his time and baseball wisdom. In a day and age when geeks who have never picked up a bat in their lives argue endlessly over mind-boggling and trivial stats, it’s refreshing to pick the mind of an old veteran who actually knows what the fuck they are talking about.  Enjoy:

You once shared the outfield with 2 greats – Reggie Jackson and Rick Monday. What was Reggie like back then-had he acquired his hot dog persona yet?

No- he wasn’t. He was a good outfielder with a strong arm. He played the game right. If we hadn’t lost him for 2 weeks I think we would have won the pennant.

You played in Kansas City, Oakland, New York, Anaheim and Milwaukee. What was the most enjoyable city to play in? Did you get along with your managers?

Oakland was my most enjoyable one, we were in a pennant race.  I got along with all my managers except Dale Crandell who took over for Dave Bristol whom I enjoyed playing for.

Was it tough playing for an awful Mets team in 1967? (editors note: they lost 101 games)

The thing that I disliked is that I didn’t play more. I was used mostly as a late inning replacement for Tommie Davis. I think we competed well with the league, we were just a little short on the pitching. Tom Seaver was our best… he was .500 for an also-ran team.

I heard a radio interview recently with pitcher Dave Stewart who said that Jose Canseco didn’t want to be there once the play-offs started. Is this true? Did you have a relationship with either?

I don’t know if that’s true or not. I didn’t have much contact with Jose. I do know that in 1989 he competed his tail off in the series.

You were also a bench coach with the St. Lois Cardinals. What is your relationship with Tony LaRussa, and do you think he should be a HOFer?

I had a great relationship with Tony all the way back to 1964. He should definitely be in the Hall. He’s a great motivator, strategist and teacher.

How did it feel to win the World Series in 1989, and was it your biggest baseball thrill?

It was a great feeling to be part of a historical game; to come back after the earthquake and sweep the Giants was awesome. I was more excited for the players. My greatest thrill was making it to the Major Leagues when others doubted me.