Archive for the ‘ Daric Barton ’ Category

Hallelujah! Daric Barton now selling churros in Sacramento.

butt It is hot in Los Angeles right now. I mean hot! My house is from the 1930’s or 40’s era, so there is no air conditioning. The dog is miserable, and my only respite is a 6 pack. Yesterday I fell asleep on the floor next to the one tiny fan that I own watching a Black Sabbath documentary. Good times.

On to the BIG NEWS: The Oakland Athletics have acquired Kyle Blanks from the Padres, effectively pushing Daric Barton out of town. Barton was not much loved in Oakland…yet we will miss his churros. Will he clear waivers? Probably. Which means he will be selling churros in Sacramento with the AAA River Cats. Blanks doesn’t have to do much besides provide a little sock and not be Daric Barton which means he is already halfway to achieving his and our goals. Here are some of the reactions of a few fans of this page:

***Please, somebody pick this piece of shit up so he is never seen in the green and gold again.

***Even coming off a loss…this is the best day of the season so far

***Amen! I whooped when I read this.

***Fucking send Limp Johnson with him too, guy is fucking horrible.

***Please say it’s true!

Asked about making an impact with the A’s, Blanks said, “Any time I look back, the biggest thing for me is, when I’m healthy I’ve been able to do well.”

He’s healthy now.

Churro vendor season stats: 57 AB’S, 9 hits, 0 HR’S, .158 average

Daric Barton selling churros at the Oakland Swap Meet.

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Daric Barton is the player every Athletics fan loves to hate. He was put on waivers TWICE in one week and not ONE team claimed him! (not even the Mets) Welcome to the first installment of Daric Barton, churro vendor:

I pull into the parking lot, pay my 1.50 for parking, and proceed to fill my large cup with some vodka and orange juice. I finally park after 15 minutes of driving around and about 15 minutes of arguing with complete strangers. Welcome to the West Wind Coliseum Swap Meet in Oakland, Ca. Everyone loves the swap meet, yet I don’t know whether to love or hate this place. It’s dirty, many of the vendors are lacking in English language skills, and I haven’t really found anything useful here. It’s an interesting cultural experience, to say the least. If you want cheap slutty clothes, funky gaudy jewelry, electronics that may or may not have “fallen off the truck” or strange kitsch from south of the border, junkyou may find yourself in heaven here. Personally, I go there for the vintage video games and baseball memorabilia (and the big booty mannequins). When it comes to selling junk (or clutter if you prefer) most of the stuff here looked like leftovers from a dumpster.  This place was reminding me of a Daric Barton at bat on a sunny day: the only thing you’re going to leave with is a sunburn and a little less dignity than you had before.

On the positive note, they also have multiple booths throughout, selling beer or micheladas at reasonable prices. I’m done with the vodka and purchase a Dos Equis from a vendor. The day is reasonably cool and I’m getting a slight buzz on. After a couple of puffs from my vape pen, I’m feeling rough and ready. I’m stumbling around at a slow pace and trying to ignore the constant yammering from the vendors. It sort of reminded me of “the alleys” in downtown Los Angeles. This conversation between a kid and her grandma had me snickering all the way back to my car:

Abuela: Do you want it? I’ll buy it for you. I had one in my room when I was your age.
Kid: Uh…who is it?
Abuela: Whaddya mean, who is it? Don’t you know who the Virgin is?
Kid: Oh sure. I know who she is.
Abuela: (Turns to vendor to pay for portrait)
Kid: (Turns to me shrugs her shoulders and mouths ‘Who is that?)

 

Daric Barton, churro seller season stats: 48 AB’s, 0 HR’s, .146 average.