We passed through the iron gates for what seemed like the thousandth time. I hadn’t seen Cheech for over 2 years, and we agreed to meet at our lucky cemetery (we’re obviously individuals with an aversion to group activities) on a soggy, overcast day for some beers and conversation. I walked the 15 blocks there for some fresh air and to reminisce, and lo-and-behold my hometown of Sacramento was still trashy and rough around the edges. A homeless-enclave-hellscape with a Cheesecake Factory and a state capitol.
“Man, we haven’t been here since you were dating Alice,” Cheech said as he took a long, sudsy swig from his expensive craft beer while leaning against the ornate headstone of some guy who had died of tuberculosis in the late 1800s. Oh, the brevity of existence.
It was true, and I remembered Alice very well even though she was galaxies away from my everyday thought process. She was Nordic pretty like the blonde in Abba: same nose, toothy smile, and almond-shaped bedroom eyes. On one particularly boring Sunday, she asked me if she could read my horoscope. Out of all the things to structure personal identity around, the random date you were born on seems the most boring, I said flippantly. We had good times together, but It’s funny how you only seem to remember moments that have the earmarks of being insignificant in the long run.
We stumbled out of the land of the dead before I mentioned that there was a baseball card shop a few blocks away where I impulsively spent 25 dollars on a Jose Canseco rookie complete with a pre-pubescent mustache encased in hard plastic. It’s really, really minty, I said over and over. And it was. It looked as if it had never been touched by greasy human meathooks–a pristine piece of Americana.
More cardboard treasures were purchased, and we proceeded to Cheech’s house where we decided on a lark to eat some “magic mushrooms.” Maybe it was the booze talking, or maybe it was because we were becoming less young and more old, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I’ve been told that psilocybin cures emotional conditions and anxiety–and I refuse to argue with that analysis as we sat there for hours talking about hair metal videos (Stryper sucks and that is nonsubjective) and just laughing hysterically at nothing in particular.
Coco Crisp's Afro 
Wonderful!!!!!! Those shrooms can go the other way, as in spiking anxiety. I’m glad you got the laughs! Great post. I love your reminisces.
Thanks, Steve. Thank goodness we didn’t go the darkness route…I think it’s because we’re both idiots. 🙂
On that note, I’m going to fix me a drink. Cheers!
Whoo hooo!
Miami-Dade County – Jose Canseco’s (and my) hometown, named part of SW 16th Street (a stretch of which passes in front of the man’s alma mater, Coral Park Senior High School) “Jose Canseco Way” in the good old days before the revelations of his steroids use, his issues with his wife, and his general asshole ways.
All true, yet I still have love for the guy. He’s like a lovable oaf in some ways.
He is, indeed, a colorful individual. That is one thing we can both agree on. (And his ex-wife Jessica was a hottie!)
ever seen his daughter, Josie?
Can’t say I have, Gary. But I am sure she’s a hottie, too.
Right? Right?
I just read an article recently about Psilocybin and how a couple of states have already moved forward with legalizing it for therapeutic use. It did sound like your thoughts could go “either way” with it, but glad you guys had a good experience. Hey, if Jose was minty ya gotta do what you gotta do. RIP Sal Bando, in a lot of ways the heart of the A’s during their run of greatness.
I have a Sal Bando 1969 Topps autographed baseball card hanging on my wall, and I love that card. RIP Captain. Thanks for stopping by Bruce. 🙂
Sounds like a good time. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had shrooms, and it’s been even longer since I saw a Canseco RC.
If you decide to try it again I’d go with what people call a “micro-dose” in the beginning. It’s mostly a body high with a few visuals and you don’t leave planet earth. Thanks for stopping by and commenting Burch.
Lots of good writing in this piece, Gary. My favorite line: “A homeless-enclave-hellscape with a Cheesecake factory and a state capitol.” Wow! I don’t even need mushrooms to conjure up a swirl of vivid imagery with that one.
Thanks for stopping by, Mark. I hope the new year is treating you well my friend.
You make me laugh! Your stories are terrific. Especially because they are true.
I can attest to the fact that this story is 100 percent true…unfortunately. Hahaha. You have a really cool blog Lis…I love it very much. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.