Baseball withdrawal.

The All Star Break is a long and punitive horror show to someone like me. The All Star game itself was a snooze fest (I was bored by the 5th) and the home run derby was was like watching paint dry; but with people sitting on couches, giving inane, contrived interviews and then slapping each other on the ass at different intervals. (Sponsored by T-Mobile)

I loved the All Star game as a kid but let’s face it– baseball players just aren’t all that interesting as humans. I love your athletic prowess dude, but don’t really give a shit about or have time for a Crash Davis inspired buddy-buddy interview with Jack Buck and John Smoltz leaving everyone uninspired with their deadpan deliveries. It’s like talking to your dad about safe sex while mowing the lawn.

Evidently I wasn’t the only one that was uninspired/would rather do anything else, as the ratings were at an all time low. Are you telling me that skits of baseball players pretending like they can play musical instruments and acting like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is cool and edgy didn’t stoke the imagination of the “youth of today!?” Thanks, Cleveland, but I think the answer was a resounding “no.”

After all the sickening schmaltz and corporate fuck-fest was over the reality of a pennant race kicked in.

I usually listen/watch games while typing and straightening my tie at work. I’ve got withdrawals that give me flu-like symptoms, anxiety, depression and restlessness. I need to drink a lot of water because there seems to be a thirst I can’t quench. I have to feign interest in Netflix shows or dating sites in order to chat with my co-workers around the water cooler. This seems to be an ample time-killer. Staring at a lap-top screen gives you headaches after awhile. My boss saw me dragging the other day and told me this: “the calm lake is a mirror.”

Did I mention staring at a lap-top all day gives you headaches?

5 Comments

Reblogged this on Season of the Pitch and commented:
Even the AAA All-Star game sucked…

I’m trying to think of what the “All Star Game” was actually about, originally- or what (if anything) I wish it was about.
The problem is, I don’t give a rat’s patotee about the outcome of a ball game between the American and National Leagues, and that, I suppose, is what we’re supposed to care about. I care, very (probably too) much, about some of the teams in both leagues, but, the league itself? Not a bit of allegiance. Nada. Shockingly, I don’t even care about the designated hitter rule. (Well, okay; I care, but not enough, I guess…)
So what would make me want to watch an All Star game, instead of ignoring it, as I did again, this year? I guess, if anything, it would be to watch a contest between the actual “all stars”- that is, the best of the best. The best players from both leagues. That’s not what we get, though, because we have to be “fair” and we don’t want any teams (or their fans) to feel “left out”, so we have to have a player from each and every team, even if there’s nobody in the team that shines, at all.
There goes the only reason I would bother watching. Yes, (as the argument goes), I would be okay with having four players from the same team, if they were, actually, the best players in the game. Why the hell not? and, no, I would be sad, but not angry, if my team (in this case, the Giants) failed to field anyone this year. That’s how it goes. Wait’ll next year.
That’s what I’ve got to say about that. Notice, I said nothing about the “home run derby”. That’s because, if the whole thing is stupid and meaningless, the glorified batting practice is more stupid and meaningless than the rest of it. That’s why. Wow. If you lob a big, fat cantaloupe down the middle to this professional baseball player, he can hit it into the bleachers. I say again: wow.
What’s next?

I don’t know what could possibly be next but I was intrigued (appalled?) by the Korean league having a BUNTING contest. Fundamentals, blah blah blah. Chicks dig the bunt just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I am so glad you are back. Reading your entries lately has made my day – 3 minutes of hilarity about the game I think I might just love. (That hasn’t been made illegal yet, has it?)

Thanks, dude, I appreciate that more than you could know. 🙂

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