My first actual post about Coco

covelliI woke up this morning and found a Vietnamese style chicken wrap in the refrigerator.  I highly recommend ANYTHING Vietnamese food oriented, but this wrap was killing it. The ginger lime dipping sauce was excellent, and gave my taste buds something to believe in again. My brain: “Holy shit! You are actually giving your body the nutrients it needs after drinking about 10 bloody mary’s last night!? You soul-less bastard.” I know, I know, you come to this site for BASEBALL, I get it, so I have done some research on Coco Crisp’s season last year, and it comes down to this:

Chili Davis: “Teams don’t want to walk him, so when he gets ahead in the count, he likes to get in front of those fastballs.”

I’m sure I could give you a breakdown, charts, or his left handed hitting percentage against a right hander at night, while pinch hitting, while the weather is 50 degrees or lower,while his wife is bitching him out, while he’s in Jacobs Field…but I honestly don’t give a shit. More power to those people, but baseball loses all aesthetic meaning to me when it becomes a bunch of charts and other assorted rigamarole. Looking at a bunch of charts is NEVER as fun as being one with the universe and connecting on a pitch PERFECTLY and sending that fucker soaring deep, deep, deep. I’ve heard every term to explain this beautiful game from “universal truths” and “just too fucked up to analyze.”

I accept both.

 Isn’t it strange that there is a blog named after a baseball player that doesn’t have a SINGLE post about said player? That’s what I thought, so I thought I’d share with you the lyrical stylings of Covelli “Coco” Crisp.

11 Comments

Good stuff, Gary. Coco’s the Man! I noticed he seems to be getting better with age, too. How does that L.A. thing he’s got going there translate over in Oakland?
-Bill

I don’t think it matters where you’re from… he’s been loved and respected at every stop…including Oakland. As a matter of fact my mom is in her 50’s and just started to watch and become obsessed with baseball because of her love for Mr. Crisp. Strange days indeed.

“I’m sure I could give you a breakdown, charts, or his left handed hitting percentage against a right hander at night, while pinch hitting, while the weather is 50 degrees or lower,while his wife is bitching him out, while he’s in Jacobs Field…but I honestly don’t give a shit. More power to those people, but baseball loses all aesthetic meaning to me when it becomes a bunch of charts and other assorted rigamarole. Looking at a bunch of charts is NEVER as fun as being one with the universe and connecting on a pitch PERFECTLY and sending that fucker soaring deep, deep, deep.”

I’m with you, Brother.

Glen

“Balk balk balk”…..that’s not an illegal pitch. That’s the sound of two chickens terrified of statistics. I’m only half kidding, but I bet there are thousands of seamhead stat geeks who feel the same way about connecting on a pitch and they have one advantage over you and apparently Glen as well. They can also compute the WAR of the endoplasmic Hypotenuse in relation to the sum of wind shaded range. I have no idea what that means or any other sabermetric stat for that matter……but i’ve heard obese people preach that beauty is only skin deep. That seems very convenient.

Hee hee! You have a way with words, Steve!

Glen

Steve, you crack me up!
They can have that “advantage,” yet as far as I’m concerned it’s one step away from religion…much to do about nothing.

Stat heads sit on a park bench inside God’s mind and think they’re cracking codes. Religious people run around with beards and pray to get favors from God. I don’t see any similarities between the two except that both resemble a circle jerk.

I agree, Gary.

Well, I’ll just say this. WAR just isn’t my bag. (Neither is all those other sabermetrics). But I’ve always said, to each their own. I like the traditional baseball stats better.

Also, I have mathephobia. A fear of mathematics. I was always in the “slow class” in school in both math and science.

Glen

2 of my favorite baseball writers comment on my page….what more can a guy ask for!? yer brilliant freaks.

I like Cocoa.I think”solid” is all that needs to be said when describing this guy’s performance on the diamond.Not too bad lyrically, either.

A Chili Davis quote AND Coco rap?! Nothing but…
*Slow Claps*

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