The “miracle” A’s!
. I woke up excited and elated about game number 162 and the fact that the winner between the A’s and the Rangers would be the champion of the A.L. West. Not being the superstitious type, I, for some peculiar reason decided that if I listened casually, the A’s would have a better shot at winning as my stress level would somehow cosmically relax my guys into some quality AB’s. My incredibly unscientific theory was working as the A’s scored a run in the bottom of the first while I was barely paying attention and reading books on 80’s hardcore and Dadaist theory. The baseball gods, however, didn’t think much of this and took it out on poor A.J. Griffin in the top of the 3rd as he was knocked around for 5 runs (4 earned) while I’m screaming (and paying full attention now) at Bob Melvin for hooking him 2 batters too late. “At least we still have the wildcard spot,” I say to myself as I’m reading about Henry Rollins working in an ice cream shop pre-Black Flag. I had told my friends that this was a team of destiny, and felt righteously ashamed as the A’s put up a 6 spot in the bottom of the 4th on Ryan “The Dumpster” Dempster and Derek “Pubic mustache” Holland (2 of which came on a lazy Yoenes Cespedes popup to center that Josh “I can’t hit during the day because I have blue eyes” Hamilton dropped in the blazing California sun. I’d like to imagine it was because he was bothered by the pot smoke billowing from the bleachers. (He had complained about this during the 2010 World Series in San Francisco, and didn’t see it as compassionate because of his ex- drug addict status.) Little- used Evan Scribner and the rest of the ‘pen shut down the bad guys the rest of the way as the A’s piled on 4 more runs in the 8th, sending Oakland fans into a delirium and a place long forgotten… A.L. West champs. Did my theory work? Fuck it…. who gives a shit! I love these guys! Bring on the Tigers!